Fleeting impulses.
 

Hi, I know I don't usually post here, but I don't like posting in Serious and this is the only other place that fits. Sorry to bother you all.

Basically, I'm struggling a lot with my mind making things look easy, or like a good idea. I don't know how much detail i can go into without this becoming an "ideas of how to off yourself" thread, but I need to talk about this and I don't know how else to do it.

I don't think i want to die, I believe suicide is wrong, completely and 100% selfish and I have my reasons for that, but these thought are so powerful it's worrying me.

Driving home from visiting family the other night, I was on a motorway and had to grip the steering wheel so hard it hurt my hands because my head was just thinking "just let go and see what happens". At a train station, when a non-stopping train came through, all i could think about was "well that's a good idea" and these thoughts just pop into my head like i'm thinking about what to have for dinner, almost.

I just don't know whether this is normal, if I just need to accept the fact this is how my mind is, or what. All I know is it's uncomfortable and at times, very scary and overwhelming, even if I have no intention on following them through.

I don't even know what I want from this post. I just can't keep this in any more.

Hey,
That sounds pretty overwhelming. It's a tricky situation, to know you are having these ideations but not necessarily following through with them. This has happened to me before, and when I tell people, they always say "well, you didn't make any real plans, right? So that's fine." But I know that it's not always that simple, so I won't say that to you!
Obviously, I have no answers, and I'm sure you just wanted to vent, but if you'd ever like someone else to talk to, you can always pm me. I hope that you feel better today!

--Izzy

Thank you do much for your reply. I guess I did want to vent, and I just needed someone to say "you're not alone", which you have.

It's just so hard to fight with your own mind.

Thanks again.