Paranoia
 

I dont know what to do, im getting really paranoid and worried over the most stupid things. Some things small others much bigger. I dont know what to do about it. I constantly worry when my mums on the phone that shes talking about me and saying bad things. I then worry what shes thinking and if she thinks ive made mistakes and things like that. I think all the time shes thinking badly of me or if she looks at me in a certain way i think i have done something wrong. Also when she talks to me i feel i answer wrong like today she asked about my interview and how it went which was genuine interest but then in my mind i thought maybe she thinks i cant do the job or i shouldnt have gone or i could have done better sort of thing. Then she said what am i going to say to the company who offered me a job whilst i await the outcome of todays interview which i would prefer to get if possible and i said i am ok until they send me the contract as i havent signed anything yet but all i could think was she thinks ive done wrong and shes going to tell her friends and say bad things. I also worry when she talks to my dad and brother about me i know she does it but i dont know what they say to her. Im fine at the moment generally but now the paranoia is kicking in big time. The other day i was convinced i had upset her and she said i hadnt but i asked her 5 times what i had done but she said nothing she was just tired but i didnt believe it. Its making me triggered and scared. I dont know what to do.

How are you with other people? Is it just your mum that makes you worry?

I used to get like this, obsess over what she could be thinking or feeling or saying, and I'm convinced it's something negative. I keep thinking she's angry at me, although everyone else says she's not, and I spend so much time agonising over what little thing I've done wrong now and how much longer before she's had enough and tells me straight that she hates me and wants me gone.

I'm not sure exactly how to deal with this, so anyone else with ideas, I'm borrowing them.

I used friends, (well, friend) and writing. Long walks with music, just so that even though I worry about what I might come back to, I can have something to take my mind away to somewhere else I'd rather be.

When did this deep insecurity start? It might help to track things to gain more sense of what's what and what might help.

I have always worried what people think about me and stuff but since my problems i have always worried that my mum says things to her friends etc but also what my dad and brother say about me. I think my mum more so because i live with her but still. I also saw messages she sent her friend once and they werent horrible but they werent nice either they made me feel like i was a burden and a problem.

Sorry to sound mean but im glad im not alone in feeling this way.

Its just like i thikn she hates me and doesnt believe im ok when i am and thinks bad things about me even if she doesnt, im convinced in my head she does think that.

This is like a version of the paranoia that I get. Have you got a CMHT support in place? Could you talk to them about these thought patterns?

No i havent got one, i have spoken to a couple of people but it hasnt really helped. I dont know its bad this weekend my brother was home and he was talking to my mum when i got up this morning i dont know if it was about me and then my mum and dad are meeting tomorrow my paranoia has gone into overdrive :(

Can you go to your GP?

No, everytime i go to my doctors about my problems they just say its about my weight and nothing else :/ they dont seem interested in the real problems.

They're ignorant idiots. How many different GPs have you tried?

Everyone in the surgery that im registered with i am going to try and register somewhere else. Its got bad again i was thinking my mum and dad were saying bad things but i looked at my mums phone and theres nothing about me on there but i know she talks about me to her friends and im sure its positive but i cant stop the bad thoughts i dont know what to do :/

I think registering at a different GP surgery is a good idea. I can understand how you feel because I suffer from paranoia too. I hope you get help soon.

Thanks, i just wish it would stop it feels like torture constantly wondering what people are thinking and saying about me. Im just not sure how to cope with it. Im worrying so much im becoming physically ill :(

I understand. Paranoia can be crippling. Sometimes I find taking time to myself to look after myself and do things that I enjoy alone helps. Avoid shops and high streets etc for now because that is a strong trigger for paranoia.

Yeah i am avoiding busy places and that, i like to stay where i feel safe. I am trying to look after myself but struggling a bit, im just trying to be strong. Its so hard i want to dissolve a bit.