Not wanting help?
 

This is a semi-rant, write out my thoughts ramble. I'm not expecting replies but any words would be helpful.

I cut for the first time in over a year. Lately I've been feeling particularly low, having issues within my self; low self-esteem and loneliness. I'm not happy within myself. Also issues with being single (I'm happy when I'm dating people, but when it doesn't work out I beat myself up over it).

A mixture of things got to me last night so I cried and cut. Even though I know it's wrong (and I'm not being pro-SI or anything), I hate myself enough to want to get into that cycle again of cutting every day. There's something really self-indulgent about self-harming. Does anyone else ever feel this way? Like, taking pleasure in your own misery? I know it's not healthy and I can't go on like this for long. I don't know. I'll seek counselling or something when I come back from holidays in a couple of weeks.

I just wanted to say hello, and that it's nice to see you around here again. :)
Though, obviously, not nice to hear that things're a bit of a struggle right now for you.

Would you say that the needing an intimate relationship to help you feel valuable and whole is the crux of this for you?

Hey,

I just wanted to say that I can really empathise with what you have said in your post, i feel about the same at the moment. I do totally know what you mean about becoming self-indulgent in ones own misery, it is comforting as, well for me, it feels safe and famailiar.

I wish I had some useful advice, but Im in the same place as you, and i'm not too sure what the answer is. But my inbox is always open if you need anyone to talk too ^_^

x