I need help.........
 

So I have realized lately that I havn't really been trying to get better (recovery from SH), I just tell people that im doing better and havnt SH for a while and I just find somewhere else to do it next time..if they ever find out. I realized that I dont NEED it anymore because I do it too often to feel the absoulut needjust the want and the urge. But I dont feel guilty for lying to them about it or when I do it..which worries me and starts to make me feel bad that I dont feel bad for doing it again. I dont understand this, two weeks ago i was trying to do everything in my power to recover and now its like i just gave up and have no reason or motivation to continue to try.
I dont like that im turning back into the monster I was just trying to rid my self of again.
Has this happend to anyone..please i need help or advise or.....something...

Yes, it used to happen to me all of the time when I was in the process of recovering. Personally, I wouldn't feel guilty for my slip ups because I sort of lost the hope of being able to quit. If you don't mind me asking, did something happen two weeks ago to make you not want to try anymore? What helped you before to make you want to quit? Perhaps you could try doing that again. You can also make lists of reasons why you'd like to stop harming, write down all of your goals and dreams, surround yourself with the people who mean the most to you, write their names on the places you want to harm, ect.

I'm sorry if I haven't been much help, but I really just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in this. Feel free to send me a PM if you ever need someone to talk to. Take care and stay safe :)

It seems like a bunch of stuff has been happening (i think right around two weeks ago) although im not sure if thats what triggered this or not. I just all of a suddon dont feel like im worth recovery anymore

I think i know what you mean by feeling guilty for not feeling guilty, when i used to SI I would tell people i quit just to get them to stop worrying/asking. Its hard to quit. it really is, but you have to do it for you. Think of all the reasons why you should quit, right them down. I put my reasons where i would see if i felt like SIing.

I hope this helps. feel free to PM.

Thanks for the advice I think imma do that.

you are worth recovery. would you ever tell someone else that they didn't deserve to recover? my guess is that you wouldn't. don't be harder on yourself than you would be to someone else.

No I wouldn't ever tell even my own worst enemy they are not worth it. I don't know why I'm so hard on myself. Thanks for your comment though