Newly Diagnosed PTSD-- hugs needed
 

Hugs please..
I feel like I am going out of my mind sometimes when the fear and jitters attack me.
When he walked through the door today I got so afraid that I ran and dove into the bedroom where my mom was sitting and got my jeans caught on the dresser drawer making a loud "plunk" noise as I hit the floor and pulled lightly on the dresser.
I don't want to call him my dad. Or my anything.
I am having petite mal seizures so much more often now due to the stress. Even more than once a day.
I am not safe. I feel so unsafe, yet I feel like I am overreacting.. in a sense.
The emotional and verbal abuse scarred me for life. From him and from my brother. But I keep second-guessing my worth and whether or not I even deserve to have PTSD because I was never beaten as a child by a cruel step-father, I was never raped by a terrifying boyfriend, I was never stalked by an ex-con, I've never been shot at by enemy troops in the middle of a desert... Yet I have their mental issues from domestic terror. And trauma. I feel so weak knowing that I am afraid of my own family. I feel so judged and alone. I feel so... terrified. I panic everyday. I can't help myself sometimes. Hearing his voice makes me sick. It makes my heart race when he talks to me.
My adrenaline rushes in and I want to run... far... oh, so far.
Loud noises and people jumping out at me or pursuing my in a predatory, even if playful, fashion. They all scare me so badly. I feel like I don't deserve to live. Like I am an embodiment of disrespect to those who have PTSD who truly, physically suffered.. but I know I need help. So how can anyone accept me having that disorder yet not suffering as much as someone who got raped. My therapist told me that trauma is trauma and I have definitely been traumatized. I just feel like an outsider to the group of people who share this disorder.

*hugs* Honey, people develop PTSD after traumatic events, that ranges from being in a war to being in a car accident to suffering abuse, any kind of abuse. Please do not trivialise the experience you went through - it was a trauma, and your feelings and diagnosis are as valid as anyone else's. You are not an outsider, we have all suffered. Most PTSD victims are lovely, empathetic people who know that you cannot compare pain on a scale.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Are you still living with your abuser/s? Is your mother any support?

Living with this will get easier hun. PM me if you ever need to talk.

Katie x

I absolutely understand where you're coming from, your doubts and insecurities, and the terror.
I don't have many words right now, but I needed to say that.

no words but am thinking of you *cuddles lots*

*so grateful for cuddles and hugs*

I am still living with them. My little family of four. I don't talk about it with my mum. I don't really talk about it with anyone.

Do you talk about it with your therapist? Why do you not feel able to talk to your mum about how you are feeling?

Like your therapist said trauma is trauma, you don't have to be abused, or be in the a wall, anyone can get PTSD..

Here if you need to talk..

I talk to my therapist a bit about it. I don't want my mom to judge me or to not want me anymore. I already cause her pain by SH. And I'm so messed up already.. She deserves a better kid