If SI wont do it anymore....
 

(trigger for mention o SI and various other things like su* )


SI used to help me make it,
SI used to help me sort of feel better.....
but sometimes im even too tired to cut, too tired to try anymore.

MY life is a mess, but at the same time im functional, so nobody sees how sick and tired I am.

There is no where to go.
GOd hates me , i know he does. He has to after everything Ive been.

I keep thinking over and over again...
people dont "really" care, people just try to get through their own ******

my parents didnt even care ......about me, I mean they cared so much they hurt me until I started hurting myself.

SI doesnt feel good anymore.
Fantasizing is wearing off.
Nothing in this world makes sense.
I desperately wish I could die.
I desperately wish I could die.
Im so sick and tired of this life, so tired of trying to figure out where my whole day went,
so tired of trying stupid "coping mechanisms" to make it through every five minutes.
So tired of trying to be myself , trying to make a plan...and then realizing its been a month and Im doing something totally different.

but im also afraid of God having a private little hell waiting for me.

I mean if he took all the time and effort to create a hell, and knowing myself, I probably have a reserved seat there, for how disgusting I am.

I'm sorry things are tough for you at the moment. Has something led to make you feel so desperate?

Just wanted to say I'm sorry things are so hard right now. Is there anyone you can talk to about this?

Hey,

I am sorry you are hurting so much. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I have found that self harm doesn't help me anymore and whilst to most people that seems good, and I can see why they do, I personally find it frustrating because I haven't got anything else that helps me like self harm used too. I hope that in time for both of us we will find something positive and effective as a coping mechanism, away from self destructive thoughts.

Do you have anybody to talk to about how you are feeling? It may be that as well as talking about how you are feeling, they are able to help you learn new coping mechanisms.

Take care,
Lottie x

Like Tig, I can definitely relate to self-harm not working any more, and it being frustrating and difficult because you don't have any other coping mechanisms that work at all.

Do you have any support, like a counsellor or GP you can talk to about this stuff? It sounds like you are in a really bad place with depression and dissociation right now and it would be great if you could get some help. I'd really encourage you to speak to someone about this if you haven't already.

I know coping mechanisms don't seem effective enough, but over time they should help more and more, and you should be able to use new ways of coping that aren't self-harm and aren't damaging. I know it's horrible and it feels like it will never get better, but I don't think that's true.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much just now.