disowned my family.
 

I don't know how else to put this, but I made a really difficult decision yesterday. I pretty much disowned my family.
I've put up with 22 years of abuse from my parents, and I couldn't take it anymore.
Yesterday, during a fight with my parents, they told me to "take more pills" because I'm "obviously crazy." I totally lost it and took a bunch of pills right in front of my mother. Her response?
She said that I wasn't going to the hospital no matter how many pills I took. That she'd rather have me dead than in the hospital risking someone at work finding out about my issues and embarrassing her.
I'm so hurt.
I feel like I'm losing everything.
I left that place and am living with my grandma (hopefully) until I finish my contract at this job in August.

But.....how the hell do I deal with this? All I want to do is selfharm, OD, anything.

I go to my therapist tomorrow and have no idea where to even start.

Start at the beginning. What your mother did is awful. And you don't need or deserve that! I hope living with your grandma gives you a bit of stability and support. Thumb it to your parents by succeeding in whatever you choose to do. Kinda like "you did your best to **** me up but I'm better than you and I can do whatever I want!" be safe.

How did your session go?

That's awesome that you decided to leave. Good for you for putting yourself first and knowing you deserve better than that.

Do you have any distractions or hobbies you find helpful instead of self-harm?

Sometimes distancing yourself from
People that being you down , even I it is your family, is the best thing to do.
Please refrain from
Doing the harmful
Things. Self harm an overdosing does not make things better. It may dull the pain for a whole but it's always there. I hope you can get support through therapy today.