Question about self harm board
 

Are we allowed to post about what we like about self harm? Im not a regular poster here anymore and I'm not sure whats allowed here now.

I think it would be nice to talk to others about some of the less negative aspects of what i do. When I go on that board nowadays it seems so focused upon people recovering from self harm instead of talking about it honestly or the reasons why they do it. Thats fine and all but sometimes I just want to talk to people about why I enjoy cutting not how long its been since i last did it.

Im not saying I want to make a thread thats all "yeah go self harm woot", but one where i can openly say "So i cut myself the other week and its made this really neat scar." or "Sometimes I cut and it bleeds everywhere other times no blood? whys that?" Things like this I wouldn't post in the s/h forum, in case someone gets "triggered".

So am I the only one who would want something like this? And i guess more importantly would it be allowed?

1 - maybe a few others
2- No

Honestly if people start posting hey cut myself really deep and it leaves a great looking scar is basically just glamourising it, and what next people posting pictures of those said scars.

The fact this is a recovery site and the whole point is to get people to stop, some of the questions you posted you can ask, but we are not here to talk about the positive aspects of self harm (not that i feel there are any).

I don't think that is a good idea at all, I wouldn't want to see a thread like that on here.

Plus i've heard people say there is good things about SH, I have to ask, what is good about SH?

I really can't see anything good about SH but that's just me..

I think the second question about bleeding would be allowed but not the first one about scar talk/description because this is a recovery board, talking about any of the short term pros or perceived positives of self harm doesn't really fit with the recovery ethos since it is a much more 'pro' approach. People come to the site for a variety of reasons, not everyone is looking to stop self harming and that is ok because they can still get support for other emotional/general problems etc. for those that do come to recoveryourlife with the aim of reducing or stopping their self harm I imagine discussion about how 'neat' wounds or scars are could be potentially triggering and whilst a degree of personal responsibility is necessary they would have little reason to expect to find that kind of thread on a recovery site. That is just my take though.

I agree sometimes i would like to talk about self harm in the way you are asking about, I just don't think RYL is the place to do that.

If you look at what I wrote my example wasn't glamourising at least that wasn't the intent. If id have said instead "So i cut myself the other week and its made this really neat scar. does anyone else have any scars that they really like?" would that be more acceptable to you? Anyway its interesting that you straight away expect the thread to escalate to posting self harm images and glamourising self harm. Why are we scared to talk about what we do without putting it in a bad light?

This site isn't only about recovery, it's also about being open and accepting about our illnesses and habits. Also a question to you why is talking about what you like about self harm counter productive to recovery?

Thats ok thanks for your opinion.

Well I'm not sure if you self harm or not but if you do why do you think you do it? There is a reason why for everyone. It could be as simple a reason as helping you get through a hard day. I just don't personally see whats wrong with admitting that I like to self harm sometimes.

I would say that there is a fine line between what you are describing and the glamorising/pro aspects.

However, having said that, I do think there should be more discussion on the board, whether that be about positive or negative aspects of self-harm.

Becsause it reinforces how 'good' it is, thus encouraging continuation, not stopping.

The question about blood would only be allowed in the First Aid section I think, because I you said 'Oh, I cut here and it didn't bleed' or 'I cut here and it bled loads', it could be seen as tip-sharing.

Also, by saying 'this really neat scar' you are glamourising your self-harm becazuse you are basically saying that your cut has left you with something great.

Threads like this could pose a serious risk to any new members that came onto RYL who were in the early stages of self-harm, were considering self-harm, or came here to learn more about this illness.

I think this kind of discussion would draw RYL away from the whole 'recover' aspect and back towards the 'ruin' aspect.

I've been part of SH forums in the past that was less 'strict', and to be honest, I mostly just went on them when I was in a bad way, and almost to trigger myself or something. Everything was a competition and going on those kind of sites is, in itself, self-destructive.

Where do you draw the line? Self harm isn't a good thing; it's an addiction, like drugs or alcohol abuse. Ultimately, the aim of most people here is to either reduce, control, or stop their self-harm.

I'm not disagreeing with what you are saying, but there are a lot of things on RYL that would pose a risk to newer members. One is the expectation that people self-harm on a daily basis, and the escalation that undoubtedly comes with that. Another is the type of self-harm, and that there does seem to be a hierarchy of sorts, whether it is talked about and acknowledged or not.

At the same time where do you draw the line with things, talking about how scars are neat when self inflicted is glamourising to me, and what about people that dont cut? Do you really want to read countless posts of people saying "I love to overdose because of the feeling i get" for example. As said its a really fine line you are talking about.

Self-harm is not a good thing in any way shape or form, therefore if we talk about what we like it does glamourise it, the same with all the other methods of self harming. The problem is it can descend into tip sharing and people reading it thinking i want to try that.

So stopping self harm is the only reason you should be posting on the self harm board? I don't know something about this feels wrong to me. Do you think its impossible to be self harming and recovering at the same time?

Interesting. Why do you straight up expect the worst? "tip sharing" "glamourising" "serious risk". Blah. Like i said maybe its only me who thinks this but talking honestly about self harm doesn't mean I think everyone should rush out and do it if i can see some positive aspects to what i do. Why is self harm so bad that you can only view it in a negative light?

I think its this I disagree with the most. If self harm is all bad why do people do it? because it makes them feel better in some form. Is it so wrong to admit this and talk about it with others who do the same?

If someone is trolling the internet looking for a reason to self harm i promise you they will find it. I can understand if people want to try and minimise the risk of ryl being that place as much as possible, however I don't think that should be seen as the most important thing on a "recovery" site. I just think that if anywhere we should be open about our self harm then it should be the self harm board.

Hey thanks for the reply. Im not saying I want it to be like it was back in ruin. I don't mind the site being about recovery. But do you think this would stop people from recovering? you say you used to go to less recovery based sites to trigger yourself so how does ryl being only about getting better stop you from doing that?

Alcohol use does not equal alcohol addiction, self harm does not equal self harm addiction. Does not mean the same thing to me.

A lot of what you said makes sense to me. Maybe in the end you're correct but I think ryl could/should be a place where we could do this.

Self harm is bad because it can seriously injure you and even kill you unintentionally, yes people use it as a coping mechanism but its not a health one at the end of the day. Self-harm can leave scars, damage internal organs and make a person feel embarrassed about their body when they do recover with the damage that was left.

Also i think the use of alcohol and self harm are completely different and cant be compared. Some people like to drink but dont have an addiction to it, they just like to have a drink now and then, and there is little harm if they dont go over the guidelines. Self harm is different because unless people are drinking as they cant cope without a drink, then the same could be said for self-harm, it would be that easy to stop if we where not addicted. But the fact is people get addicted quite easily to it.

I disagree with a lot of this, but most of it just comes down to my opinion on self harm being different to yours. To me there is alot of "can" and "maybes" in this that can go both ways. So when you say people may be embarrassed by there scars I know people who are proud of them and what they stand for. I understand if you dont agree with me on this and thats ok =).

If you check I was replying to an example of alcohol/self harm. I agree they are different if only because one is socially acceptable and one isn't.

Isn't it against forum rules to discuss why you like SH as it can fall into tip sharing/glamourising?

No, but you can say "Oh, I drink socially" and not be an addict, but you can't say "Oh, I self harm occasionally" and not be a self harmer. Self harm can never been a good thing, surely?

I used those sites when I was bad, and I would go on them, and see all the awful stuff other people were doing (and new ways of doing it) was incredibly competitive and encouraging. And it made it seem like what I was doing wasn't really that bad - everyone was doing it. It normalises self harm, and that really isn't a good thing.

Apples and oranges, really.

For the record, I think self-harm is not a road to go down, it doesn't help anything and just causes more problems than it is meant to solve. But when comparing it and discussing it we should use similar comparisons.

So does RYL.

To a lesser extent. The rules that are in place here minimise the dangers that other forums pose. I've rarely seen stuff here that triggered me, and yet on other sides almost everything was 'who can do it the best'.

Haha come on that example doesnt work at all. Of course drinking socially doesnt make you an addict. it does however make you a drinker, in the exact same way that self harming makes you a self harmer. Does not equate.

Do you think a thread like this would necessarily end up just being for that? do you see no value in what im asking about? honest question.

I think that this is important. Ryl is a place where people go to talk about self harm to other self harmers. I believe that there is more to self harm then just recovering from it.

That's competition (which is a problem, I agree), not necessarily normalisation.

Personally, I'd like to see more openness and free discussion about self-harm on here. We have already gotten rid of the *ZOMGTRIGGERING!!!* labels, which was definitely a step in the right direction.

I'm pretty sure RYL used to be a place where people who self-harm could just 'be', no matter what their stage of recovery. Of course, the aim was probably always that they recover, but that they'd be welcome even if not. That's how I see the ethos of a "safe place" for self-harmers, not that everything is covered up, hidden and silenced.

It's interesting how many people here are actively saying that self harm can in no way be a good thing (and as a side point - yet continue to SI). Self harm is a coping mechanism - a maladapted coping mechanism - but a coping mechanism nonetheless.

There's a huge benefit to being able to speak honestly and openly about SI - and I know that people have mentioned before that they found the 'yay! go recovery! Nobody talk about bad things!' aspect of this site suffocating, and subsequently left to go to more open environments. The thing is it's such a difficult one to balance.

I used to go to an open ED site; it wasn't pro ED, but it allowed honest discussion (such as "I did x or ate x calories today and it felt good") but it also allowed honest responses ("that's not enough because it will screw up your body for x and y reason", "I had a really bad experience doing that - I nearly died because x happened") which you can't get so much in this environment, because you can't go into any specific detail. It was good, but you had to be in the right mindset and able to handle replies - I wouldn't be convinced that many people on this site would be able to emotionally handle such honest (and brutal) responses.

The thing is, this site has been so recovery-focussed for so long, it would be very hard to change the mindset here. And I'm not entirely sure that people would want it to be changed. There are definitely benefits for a site like this, and there's no doubt it's helping some people. I do think that there is space for a place that is a lot safer and more positive than Ruin, but not quite as safe as RYL is now - but I don't think RYL is the place for that.

I dont know if that makes sense.