Bf is recoving and I'm not, help?
 

I really need help. I've been with my boyfriend for about three years now, for as long as he's known me I've self harmed, and it had been the same with him as well (for as long as I've known him he self harmed too) until five months ago. He started to recover. Now, he hasn't self harmed in about four months (the longest he's ever gone without self harming) and I haven't stopped self harming and as stupid as this sounds I really don't plan on stopping any time soon.

I'm VERY happy for him,am amazed at how much better he looks and he seems to be a lot happier too, but when he looks at me sometimes I know it triggers him even if he'll never say it does. I don't know what to do. Just stopping self harm would be best, I really know that, but I can't do that right now. I don't want to be the reason he hurts himself again. . .

Hi Merriman,

It sounds like a very difficult situation. It is your choice whether you stop self harming and it's understandable that at this point in time you don't want to stop. It also seems to me that your boyfriend is aware of this and still feels able to cope within the relationship, even though at times it may be triggering for him.

Please know that it is his responsibility to decide how he manages those triggers - not for you. However, that's not to say you can't try and reduce the triggers for him. Do you think it might be worth having a conversation with him and explaining that you are aware that your self harming may be a trigger for him? It might be an idea if you could ask him what would help in these situations, like setting some boundaries. For example, if you do self harm - are you going to keep the wound covered so that he doesn't see it, not that he doesn't know because nobody wants secrets in a relationship but just covering the actual wounds. Also things like keeping the tools out of his sight so he isn't triggered by them. It might help.

Wishing you both the best of luck.

Lottie

maybe instead of trying to stop harming altogether, you could slowly work towards decreasing the amount you harm?