Accepting bipolar diagnosis
 

Okies, so I got diagnosed with bipolar after a hypomanic episode last October/November. But I'm really struggling to accept it. I know what happened, and I know that everything that was happening fitted hypomania, and I know I have a history of depression. But part of me just doesn't want to hve bipolar (well who would want to have it?!) and so I don't want to accept that what happened happened and happened in the way that it did. I don't want to accept that I have bipolar, so I struggle to make myself take my meds. I struggle to rationalise everything I get told - make sure I get enough exercise, keep a regular sleep routine, keep eating regularly, blah blah blah the list goes on.

I think I'm just apathetic to everything. People in my welfare team seem to think that things just haven't settled yet in my head, and my brain hasn't had enouh time to process what's happening.

I'm in a low at the moment. I'm due to sit finals in three months, and sure I'm freaking about that. I'm freaking about relapses, cos I'm scared of their impact on my studies, I'm just scared by the whole BPII diagnosis.

How did everyone else accept it? Did you ever accept it, or do you just go with what you're told and just do it cos it gets people off your back? Cos really, the only reason I take my meds is to keep my gp and my welfare team off my back - I'm scared of a relpase, but my meds don't work well enough to cover everything, hence the low I'm in at the moment I think. How long after your diagnosis did it take to get things on track? I just hate feeling like I'm going to be up and down forever, that there's no cure :(

Getting a diagnosis can be frightening. It's hard to know what to expect. Maybe learning more about the disorder will help. You could make a list of questions to ask your GP. Reading positive stories of other people's experiences could help as well. Try to remember that it's just a diagnosis - it's not who you are. You are not your disorder. It doesn't define who you are as a person.

It may not have a cure now, but it's very treatable. You're doing the right thing by taking your medications, even if you're unsure about it. If you feel like they're not helping enough, talk to your GP about it.

Just remember that you had bipolar all along adn that its just a name and that you are normal with or without bipolar.You can over come anything.Just try to think postive adn read on postive storys about bipolar.so you can have hope.

I was both relieved and terrified and furious all at the same time. I remember it. Part of me wanted the diagnosis and confirmation that how I felt was as bad as I imagined, and I had suspected it for a while. But I remember my stomach falling when I heard it. I remember looking up bipolar online and seeing a couple words and slamming my laptop shut unable to read anymore.

And the "get enough exercise, keep a regular sleep routine, keep eating regularly" thing? That pissed me off so much. If you don't think about it it isn't as hard as it seems though. Most people end up doing that just out of habit.

I hated the meds. Those were hard to take. My parents had to bribe me to take lithium.

But yeah, I guess I accepted it eventually. It helps sometimes because it can help explain why you are feeling as bad as you do. And it helps me not beat myself up for acting like an idiot. Even if I half believe that my crazy manic episodes are due to bipolar and not to me just having a ****ed up personality it helps.

It helps explain things to people too. People understand the seriousness of the word so at least it is nice that it helps other people understand just how bad things can be.

This is a great way of thinking.

I only got diagnosed bp resently and it messes with my head a little.
I think it is totally unfair, and can understand what I did to deserve it.

But I'm slowly coming to realise that this disorder can be managed and you can live normally and you don't have to miss out on anything.

I like to think about as diabetes of the brain.
Basically if you are diabetic then you need to check your blood sugar regularly and take your insulin or else you will be come unwell. You will have to do this for the rest of your life. However if you are diabetic and you accept the illness and look after yourself (check you BS and take your insulin) then you can live a really normal life with no limits.
It is the same with bipolar; if you take your meds and check you mood regularly you can live normally with no limits.
I work in a hospital and there is a consultant that works there and she is bipolar. She is a real inspiration to me because she has a very responsible, highly academic job where she is highly respected. She is pretty much at the top in terms of career. She has been hospitalised several time for her bp but she kept working on recovery and now has a great life; children, very very good job, many friends, excellent social life (I have been out a few times with her and she is quite the party animal.lol).

There is a book called "the bipolar advantage" I think you would find it helpful.

Keep your chin up and pm me any time you want to have a bipolar rant. I like post :)