So not good... *si warning*
 

Don't really know why I'm posting here. Public whine maybe? Dunno. But here u go.

Have had a majorly **** week. Got my period again. Pretty much given up on getting pregnant but it kills me a little more each time it doesn't happen. A few of my friends are having *accidental* babies and I kinda hate them :( happy for them but hate them... Gp is getting involved now. Testing partner first then me. :crying:

Cut the other day. So pathetic. Had worse from the cat. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna end up with stitches before the week is out... Yeah.... It's all so ****. I'm falling and I'm gonna splat soon when I hit the ground.

Not good. ****.


(and ****ing stalker asswipes, if you're reading this I hope you go **** yourselves. Don't know how you could be related to my man cause you're soulless harpies)

Oh honey *wraps you up in a massive hug*

Im sorry you are feeling so shitty. The getting pregnant an having a child is a massive thing for you. There could be any number of reasons why it hasn't happened yet. It does not mean it never will though. Even stressing about getting pregnant could make it less likely you will conceive. Your doctor is on it now. Hopefully he will be able to find out if there is a problem and take it from there. Small steps honey. You are still young.

Is there anything else that is bothering you and making you want to harm? How is cutting going to help?

Try and go to bed now jess. Text me anytime you like xx

It just sucks. Probably not happening cause I'm a fat heifer :( its just another fail. I'm just a giant fail. :( everything bothers me at the moment. Absolutely everything. Argh. Gonna sleep

JESS!!! *jumps on and gives cuddles* You are not a giant failure. You getting pregnant will happen when it does!

Thanks Caitee :) feel a bit better after sleep

The dr's told me I was too fat and my pcos made me not ovulate, but it wasn't true and at least double your size. I know how it feels when you are trying and it doesn't happen, matt and I were trying for a 3rd for 8months before he suddenly left me. See what the dr has to say x

Matt's an idiot for leaving you. I hope you know that.

Bad bad bad. Things are getting worse. I have bad plans in my head. :crying:

You need to tell him or call your crisis team Jess.

I see my counsellor today at 3. Got hardly any sleep but holding it together so I can babysit my goddaughter. She's one and such a handful. But worth it. If I can get through that I can hold on for another few hours... I think anyway....

How did it go with your counsellor honey? Loves you lots like jelly tots xx

Yeah went okay. She's a bit concerned but not much she can do. We talked about trying to break the day into small chunks to manage. I told her I don't know if I can be bothered. She said to try. I told her why bother.... *shrugs* She's asked me to fight the urges as much as i can and hope they'll pass. I dunno. I don't know if I care! My ankle is sending shooting pain up my leg as I walk and I keep wondering if I cut there badly enough will they look and try to fix it? I dunno. who ****ing cares.

Sooo found out you can't dig metal out of an ankle... Stitches. Oops

Oh Jess.

It makes me sad to read this. I can see how much you're hurting. You sound like me, just over it all. I don't know what to say to make it better other than to hold on because you never know what's around the corner.

Ankle hurts :( I'm feeling very whiney now... My medication has been doubled which has me a little jittery >.< hope it makes things better. I'm tired of hurting

What meds are you on?

Cymbalta and Seroquel. Plus amoxycillin antibiotics to prevent bone infection.

I'm on cymbalta too and find if I dont take it, I get dizzy and the shakes. I hope you are taking it.

Yeah I'm kinda jittery with it at the moment but I'm hoping it eases off soo

Love you Jess! Love you loads! Please be safe my dear....please???????