Visit was horrible...*turning worse update"
 

Leanne got sloppy drunk and we worked with her for hours while she vomited and begged to go to the hospital...pathetic.

Everyone was drinking, sooo against my better judgement, I had some...but didnt get close to drunk. My aunt caused the chaos. My sister got mad because I had some beer...she hit my mother...me and brother just set outside away from everything. Keith witnessed Leanne's mess. but then he went upstairs and played games.

Guess who got blames for it all? ME!! WTF?? I swear to god I did nothing.

My aunt deleted me from fb...i dont give a damn.

I told Keith about Kelly. we had a private conversation and he is ok. I spoke with him again today to check on him and he really is ok. I asked him is that the worst thing that I could be? and he said "no, the worst thing would be if you died". soooo...no dying.

im angry, hurt, and i cant identify alot of emotions right now.

i need support, seriously...this was the worst visit ever and im in shambles...

Family rifts and arguments are horrible to deal with. I know what it's like to be blamed by family for something you haven't done and it's not nice to hold on your shoulders. I'm not sure I quite understand everything that went on but remember this... family are people in your life that you're obliged to see, your friends are those you choose to see and therefore are the ones to help and support you and reassure you when your family start to break you down.

Sophie.x

Dude. People suck. And christmas time can be so messy. People need to take some bloody responsibility for there own actions and stop using you as a scapegoat. Well done on telling Keith about Kelly. That's a big step and i'm really proud of you. And he's showing that he's not getting bigoted behaviours from your aunt and uncle which I know you were worried about. So focus on that and forget the rest (I know it's not that easy). But you do have something positive to focus on from this trip. And that is that you were completely honest with your son and he supports you. *cuddles*

Am so proud of you telling keith about kelly, maybe make visitsalcohol free for everyone... say you're struggling w/ever, it doesn't do anyone any good to see/be part of scenes like that. Your baby is growing up fast, not long til he decides as an adult where he lives. Maybe he'll go to a college near you, wouldn't that be amazing? Love u girlie x

thank you guys...I just posted a load of stuff and my pc went "plop".sooo...short version..

I am sooo relieved that the secret is out and that Keith didn't burst into tears or whatnot and all the crazy things ive imagined. He told me that I'm still his Mom and that made me happy.

My sister is going through hell right now with her health so she isnt talking to anyone for the next 2 weeks while she stops smoking and caffeine. I understand.


she has an adrenal tumor, so they think, so they dont want her on any stimulants.

She got angry with me because I told Keith at her house and for some reason that was wrong. she said she wanted that to be the one happy place he still had for visits. I didnt make it an unhappy place...others did.

anyhow, I want to post a pic of Keither because he has grown soo much..so here goes...

It's not wrong. I'm guessing she's under a lot of stress with her health but no excuses for being a bitch. Never an excuse for being nasty. You did good. Don't over think it.

Nothing constructive to add. I just wanted to say that Keith has your eyes, they are like literally identical. Handsome boy, you should be proud of him :)

I don't agree with what your aunt said. I am pleased he took it well though x

Keith has really grown up..he looks lovely hun x

I am sorry the visit was difficult for you. It sounds like a lot is going on there, and I think because of that what happened was not you at all - you simply provided a scapegoat. I know that is a horrible situation to be in though, and that knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less.

Know that you have done nothing wrong, and that, most importantly, your conversation with Keith went as well as it could. It looks like he is growing up well, and isn't that the most important thing in the end?

*safe hugs*

Roiben x

thank you all.

im still dealing with the repercussions and worried that Keith will process it all ok as time goes by. im going to try and stay in close contact via phone. he is so hard to get hold of though because of sports, school. church, etc.

im a mom and all moms worry, especially about something like this so im not beating myself up about worrying. just trying to occupy myself. helped Kaleb with homework tonight and got him ready this morning...so just kinda throwing myself back into everything. that could be dangerous and ive thought about that. if it becomes too overwhelming, i will step back.

my head is still very noisy with the man...but I have continued NOT to obey him. yay for me,lol. headphones help sometimes but he's in my brain only I know he isn't real. It's ME sabotaging myself which I'm not going to do.

thank you again for all the nice and helpful words.
loves.
xxxxx

My warriors back suggest we use biological warfare, eat chocolate, release endorphins boom on the bad man,s ass :p love u rach, keith is the spit of you x

thank you manda :)

nightmares again :(

its so weird..becca and Leanne are giants and i am tiny in my dream....and they are walking towards me to step on me, killing me. but the one i just had I woke up standing up with Kelly telling me to wake up and I was peeing down my pants...it was embarrassing....im stating up for a while. im too scared to sleep right now. ive never walked in my slepp that i know of, but kelly said i was. ughh. this must stop. they are getting the best of me. so those of you who are seeing my posts on FB realize why im venting like i am.

even thought its all over..its really not.

taking a turn for the worst...

this man wont get out of my head. i miss Keith so much my stomach hurts. I keep thinking of the time I almost died when my brother found me. I remember laying there with the blood just leaving my body. I felt peace. I want to feel it again...but I cant!! I wont!! but what else? how do i make it stop. it too much..just too much..

You said something important earlier - you are a Mum, and I think if there is something to fight for (beyond how great you are as a person) that it is Keith. He has taken on board what you said to him, and he has said he is okay with it. He is a teenager (from the picture, at least he appears to be) and so he will be hard to get hold of, but that is normal and not at all a rebuke of you, quite the opposite, it is a sign that he is okay.

I am sorry the man is hard to deal with right now and that you are having difficult dreams. I wonder how much the man being worse is down to you being more stressed and more tired right now. Is there anyone you can let know in your care team that you are finding things harder right now?

Know that you can always contact me if you need someone to talk to (note: normally by emails/text/in chat etc) and I will send you my details by PM in a moment. I know you are finding things hard right now, but you do not need to fight through it alone.

Thinking of you, and sending strength your way.

Roiben x

thanks so much.

I just spoke to my aunt and she basically just bashed me and told me something bad happens everytime Keith comes...but most are not my fault. I accepted and apologized over and over after that one horrific visit. then the time we had to leave my mom's..which wasnt my fault.

she brought up a fight we had a long time ago in front of keith. this is what happened...Matthew broke a string to a tv holder and she had a fit...i said in order to calm things down.."teenagers will be teenagers" she whipped her head and said "dont you dare tell me how to raise my children" wtf?? i wasnt....sooo Keith whispered to me.."mom, dont let her treat you like that" i felt like Keith wanted me to stand up for myself, so i did...and it turned into a huge argument. she blamed it all on me and still does because she just brought it up.

other than that, in 10 years, our visits have been great..but she still says the opposite. i want to watch my blood flow out of me....im sooo tired of this.

she's so angry that I told Keith about Kelly. for 2 years she has told me it was up to me!!! wtf?? i get so many mixed signals from her.

i cant take this anymore but i dont have a choice.

Your aunt... Is an idiot. She needs to stop being awful and accept that while you have granted her custody, it doesn't make her God. He is your son and she needs to deal with it.

It sounds like she holds a lot of pent up anger and resentment, and it is not at all fair for her to tarnish everything with that same brush.

It is not something you have to put up with at all. I know you want to gain a level of respect and approval, but I think this is one of those times when it is never going to happen. Focus instead on Keith. Would it be easier for you to meet somewhere that was not her house in the future, or at least some of the time, now he is a bit older and more able to go places by himself??

Thinking of you.

Roiben x

Thanks bunches for the support.

Jess, I lmao when you called her an idiot. You would think it would offend me, right? but I LOVE your bluntness. There was a time I didnt like it one bit but love it now!

a great thing just happened that I thought would never happen. I met a woman who gave up her children due to mental illness. Just like me!! she's a gamer friend on FB and I posted a song and then she sent me a message. I hate the same situation happened to her but we both have the same experiences and such. after years...I finally met someone. It was comforting to both of us, I believe, to know there is someone else out there with the same situation.

just thought I'd tell ya.

Hug. Sorry that's not helpful but I am glad you told Keith and he took it well.

xx

Being blunt is the only way things don't get twisted for me. I know you (finally) realize I'm not out to hurt your feelings. Just saying what I mean the clearest way I know how. And your aunt is an idiot. She says one thing and then changes her mind and then blames that on you! How cool would it be of we actually could take responsibility for changing someone's mind. We'd have so much power to do seriously awesome stuff!! *cuddles* glad you found someone else who has gone through what you're going through. I'm sure there are more out there.