Not realising how ill you have been?
 

Ive just come from an appointment with my OT and she was telling me that her and her manager both believe part of my inability to recover faster is my lack of acceptance to how ill i have been. People here on RYL tell me this but coming from professional services, this has kind of hit me. I find it very hard to see myself and the things that have happened, and in therapy i have often said i have no benchmarks from which to assess myself. I still convince myself ive made most of it up.

Im not asking for support, but i was just wondering if other people are unaware of how ill they have been, or been told this too? Is this common?

I can sort of relate to this - my manager says I don't realise how deep I've got. I don't know...maybe part of it is denial.

Yep. I didn't even think I was ill at all but was given high rate DLA. Then I was kinda like... oh.

yeah.

it wasn't made clear to me just how non-functional i was until i was rushed to the hospital via ambulance from my day program. that was a wake up call and i care to not repeat the adventure. its hard to see what others see in us. when i am ill I am not objective and cannot clearly make good rational decisions. this includes when to get help. i need others to tell me that i need extra help when they see that i am starting to deteriorate. i'll fight it to the end.

I think yes, It's only when I am better, well and functioning that in hindsight I think ****, I was not in a good place but while I am actually ill I can't see that i'm ill if that makes sense?

I think this is quite common. I know that for me, my boyfriend uses my awareness as a gauge of how ill I am at any given time - so he knows when I just need some support, and when to call an ambulance on me.

I know that in hindsight it is much easier to see how far we have come, or how ill we were, but in the moment it is incredibly hard to have that perspective and see the woods for the trees.

I have been encouraged to actively take a step back every so often (e.g every few months) just to see any small steps of progress I may have made, as it is hard to appreciate them at the time and can be an incredible boost to morale in recovery to get the 'oh, yeah - I have achieved that' moments.

Be gentle with yourself.

Roiben x

What if you simply can't see it even with hindsight? I seem incapable

I still do. Having spent the best part of the last 3 years in hospital i still struggle to see why others think i need such close attention. I sometimes feel like a fraud - like they needn't be wasting their time with me.

wow, i must've been really tired or something on my last answer :P

i guess... i get the feeling like a fraud thing. also someone will ask a question such as what my ocd involves, and then i'll go "oh it just...." and rally off this long list and conclude with "but its not that bad" or "but i function just fine" when i guess that looking from the outside, its pretty clear that i'm pretty ill, and that i don't function well at all... i don't tend do that so much anymore, but i definately did at the beginning of my treatment. also "oh i'm not anxious, i feel totally normal right now" as i' was sitting there sweating and shaking