My Awfully Big Adventure :-( [+ updates]
 

:iamsad: It's time. I've hurt too many people and I'm heading towards hurting too many more. I have a date in mind. An ideal date. I will go through with it. I can't carry on like this. I cause pain. I am caused pain. I cause stress. I am caused stressed. I need to die, to be gone, to be quiet and black and empty. I'm sorry.:iamsad:

you've probably made lots of people feel good as well. and hurting someone doesn't mean that they would have been better off without you, or that they wish that they hadn't met you. everyone hurts the people that they care about and that care about them at times. if you didn't ever hurt anyone, my bet would be its because you didn't have anyone close enough to you that you could hurt them.

It really does get better then this. I'm sorry your in so much pain and I really hope you realize how important you are before this date. There is a space in this world that only you can fill and the world will be a little bit emptier without you. Your important and needed

Thank you guys :-) I'm in a bit better place today than I was last night, I think I was overtired and overemotional and everything hit me at once where it hurt the most. Thank you for being nice xxx

How are you feeling now? What you said in there was pretty strong and scary, does anyone know you are (or were) feeling like this? I'm glad you're in a better place today, but we need to do all we can to keep you from being back in that place and being unsafe. As though as things are now, they can get better. Don't give up xx

Thank you Snow White (sorry, I don't know your name). My boyfriend knows how bad I felt and was there for me which was nice. Well, not nice that he had to be there in the first place but...hopefully you know what I mean! I've got a doctors appointment on Wednesday evening so hopefully I can mention it then. It's a completely new doctor though (as I've moved area) but hopefully he'll be nice.

Thank you again guys xxx

I really hope your doctors appointment tonight went well and I hope you're feeling abit better today.
xxx

Thank you! It went well actually, the doctor was lovely and seems to be really helpful. I moved here in July and they still don't have my notes (stupid system!!) so he's going to chase them for me and look into getting a referral to an ED psych for me so fingers crossed this will go okay :-)

THANK YOU again to everyone xxx xxx

That's really good :)
I'm so happy you get on with your doctor.
Transferring can be a real pain but hopefully once he tracks down your notes everything will go a lot more smoothly :)
xxx

Thank you :-) xxx

So glad you had a good experience with your doctor and are feeling better.

You're being very brave :) *hugs* xx

I was feeling very weird yesterday. I felt good superficially, but I could feel that just below the surface I could feel that I was close to falling very hard. Earlier I felt a bit numb, a bit....floaty. Now I can feel myself beginning to fall, beginning the descent. I don't really know where to go now...I don't know what to do...

I've been feeling like that recently.
But the only way from down is up :)
Is there anything you could do to keep yourself busy?

I don't feel like I've gone all the way down yet...that's what I'm worried about :-s I'm trying to keep busy, watching films and stuff...I just don't want the chance to stop.

Really hope you managed to keep busy and keep yourself up :)
Disney films usually work for me.
xxx

Thank you.

I'm watching a couple of new films I brought today...horror ones though. Sometimes I find if I'm really triggered to cut, watching something gory can help me to not cut because I'm seeing the blood on the film...that probably sounds really wrong and really weird...:sadandconfused:

It sort of makes sense though... if that sort of thing helps you maybe try Black Swan... (although it is quite odd & it's a psychological-thriller more than horror)
One of my favourite gore films of all time is Battle Royale.
xxx

Is that the one set in Japan...(or China!)...about the schools going on "holiday"? Love that film! xxx

Yeah, it was originally a Manga comic :D - think it's Japan btw.
I think there's a second one but I don't remember it matching up to the first...
xxx

'Twas a good film though, I watched it with my friends at uni! I'm currently watching Signs...always a classic! xxx