RYL Forums - ADULT poem, something new

RYL Forums (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/index.php)

- Creativity and Reviews (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=23)

- - ADULT poem, something new (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=169560)

The Song to Her Scars (poem)

this is the first poem i have written in a long time. it was for school, but i like it. please tell me what you think :).

"The Song to Her Scars"

I hear the girl singing,
as she wants someone to hear.
Trying to hide; it's obvious,
she keeps her secrets very dear.
Crying out for help,
as quite as she can,
what they need to listen to,
is coming from her hand.
People give looks,
but never ask anymore.
The only person that can hear her
sings; his songs so sore.
The anger and disappointment
in his voice cries out.
His tone breaks her down
as she falls and shouts
he becomes frustrated
not knowing how to help.
She is vulnerable
and about to melt.
He realizes her secrets become deeper
as he startles and cringes
further and further she goes
as she loosens the hinges.
Soon all will leak out
and everyone will know
the truth that her song was hiding
as she begins to die slow.
He weeps in his hands
he should have been the one
but no one can save her
her song is now sung.

oh my, i love this.
it sounds like a professional poet wrote it, or like it could be a song.
it really is amazing
Keep writing!!!!

really? thanks so much. i showed my friend after i put it on there and well she made me really want to take it off, so thanks so much :)

what did she say that made you want to take it off (if you dont mind me asking)
you're welcome though. and as i said, it's an amazing piece.

Absolutely fabulous!

she said that it sounded like a little kid wrote it, and that i should take it off because i'm going to get upset when no one replies to it.

i don't mean to turn you against her in any way at all but she was mistakenly wrong. VERY wrong

no need to thank me,
i didn't make you a great writer 8D

Lovely poem! You write very well. Definitely keep writing! :)

I really like this and very well written:)

OMG... gave me chills!!! Great job!!

aw thank you so much :) it means a lot to me :)

Your a great writer too!

You are a great writer keep up the good work!

ADULT poem, something new

I've written plenty of poems of which i have shared on here, but this is something new for me. All my poems are usually depressing and this time i wanted to something fun, hot and sexy. It was a lot harder then i could have imagined but this is what i came up with. Please give me fed back letting me know if it was to much or to soft or what you think. I am sorry if this offends anyone. Again it is about sex so be aware.

Electric
By: Samantha

The air becomes chilled,
The skies fade to black.
I feel your hot breath.
And I’m taken aback.

Your smile is a twist of evil,
As you pull me into your home.
My smile is pure electricity,
As your hands start to roam.

You lay me on your couch,
Your muscles against me.
My heart races fast,
And my mouth begins to plea.

Your mouth is strong,
And your body follows.
My arms pinned down,
It’s hard to swallow.

You move to my neck,
And give a deep bite.
My moan breaks out,
And everything feels right.

We move to the bed,
Our clothes on the floor.
My nails dig deep,
And you know I want more.

You push in deep,
My moans grow loud.
You pull my hair,
And my body bows.

My face in the pillow,
As you squeeze my breast.
Deeper you go,
Released from all stress.

I really like it. It explains the act of "making love" perfectly and has interesting rhyming couplets. Very, very nice.

thank you very much for the responses. I was so nervous putting this up, and like right after i regretted it so thank you.