helpless
 

so,
i'm a grown up, i should have a handle on life by now right?
no, i haven't though have i.
the story goes, long to the short, i'm **** with money n my dad bailed me out of lots of debt very very recently, on the deal that i kept my finances in check. easy right? ****ing priveliged, ****ing lucky right?
don't feel bad of me, i'm so shocked n so greatful, i actually cried! BUT! i still get home with a bottle of wine and some cocaine (expensive!) When i can't afford it!
what is wrong with me really!! i'm a stupid ****ing addict!
i'm moving away soon so WILL be sorted out soon. but help!! i'm rut stuck :( xx

I think theres a huge difference from being a grown up and being in control of your life. I think people often think the two are the same thing.

Being grown up means you arent considered a child anymore. This doesnt mean you cant or dont act childish or foolish or make mistakes tho.

I used to do a **** load of drugs in my early 20's. When i had my first breakdown id just take an E or some LSD and try to escape. Short term its fine but it doesnt help at all and usually seeks to make things worse.

Without getting to why you do this and getting help with dealing with this and overcoming it then you will probably resort to damaging and sabotaging behaviours.

Grown ups dont feel less pain and they certainly dont stop making mistakes!

wow
you put that so well. thank you! i don't know and it doesn't really matter if it was your intention but i feel better about things and things are looking better.
so, thank u.
x