Pieces *updated. gets worse.*
 

The only person I have ever loved would be better off, happier, safer, if I left.

That's all.

It hurts on every in breath.
Things were perfect for two days and that only makes it worse. I am a sick, sick, sick little drunk and I hurt the people I love the most.
I don't want to do anything stupid; I am not going to.
I don't even want to drink.
I only want something to erase the horrible hours I tore us apart with.
I only want her to smile again like she did on Sunday.
SHe never, ever will with me.
I am not good enough.
I don't know what to do, though I know what I should have done.

Sorry you're feeling so bad hun. (((HUGS)))

I cried too much to even go in to work.

Thank you for the hugs.

A good cry is good for us sometimes. How d'ya feel now?

Have you talked to her about how you feel?

Yeah. She said that we keep going back to square one, that neither of us can be happy because she isn't responsible enough to "look after me" iwhen it comes to drink & stuff. I said that it isn't her responsibility but she said I always make her feel bad about it.

For two days we were so much better. I felt as if I might have her back. Now she's lost again.

Thanks for support
I'm calmer now, as long as I don't think about it all

Maybe this relationship is the motivation you need to really sort your drinking. Would she support you with that>?

She tries really, really hard.
I will try really hard too, if she will stay with me.
Can't stand hurting her any more.

(((hugs)))

You need to try really really hard for you. And then once you have things more under control you will be able to have a better relationship.

You deserve to be happy.
You deserve to be sober.
You deserve to love yourself.

Thank you xxx

She cheated on me,
with a model.

i feel sick.

im sorry and no one deserves to feel how you do, but no one deservesto be treated like you do either. I dont mean to condemn but perhaps this is the wake up call needed.

You say you will try hard if she will stay with you. Will you try as hard if she doesnt?

I am saying this form a totally non judgemental side but i dont blame her from the little i know.

I don't blame her either. I really don't. I told her not to be sorry, that I really do understand and that there is no need to torment herself over it and I believe that. Honestly.

I am trying to not be too hurt. Cried a bit when she wasn't there.

If she doesn't stay with me... Well I thought I would keep trying but lately I feel collapsible. I feel like betterness or not is hanging on a thread.

I am pathetic.
I know.

thank you for being honest, as well. sometimes people are scared to be x