Advice on telling partner about Mental Health issues...?
 

I live with my boyfriend of three years. He's an amazing support to me, and we generally have a good relationship...
But when I started to become depressed, I suppose I withdrew from him a bit, I dont know really, but soon life had become very out of control for me. My boyfriend knows I have depression, he knows I've SHed before in the past, and he knows Ive had a few issues with eating before, but nothing serious, in the past.

But he doesnt know anything that has happened to me in the last 3 months, he doesnt know about my SHing again, or that I have a diagnosed eating disorder, or that 2 weeks ago I took an OD and ended up in hospital... I've mainly managed to keep it from him through lies and avoidance, but not really through choice, I was just so scared he might leave me, or be angry and hate me, and the more scared I got, the harder it became and now my life is a huge secret to everyone apart from 2 friends who I have told.

But he's really worried about me and my depression, and that im not getting enough support and he booked a doctors appointment for me for next week because he wants to talk about support - and how useless the CMHT have been - and how I can get better etc, which is fine, except obviously the doctor knows everything that's happened, and they know that he doesnt know, and how on earth am I going to be able to keep everything a secret with him sat next to me?

Part of me doesnt want it be a secret anymore, I desperately need him, but all of this is so huge and such a lot for him to take on board, he's going to be utterly devastated when he finds out.

What on earth do I do?

I'm sorry you've been having a hard time recently. Maybe you could find a time and talk with him and try to slowly explain things. I realise it won't be easy but like you said you can't really keep things secret if he's sitting right next to you.

From what you've said he sounds like he's supportive of you, and wants to do what's best for you, so he might be more understanding than you realise. If you explain your reasons for not wanting to tell him, (not wanting him to leave you, fearing he might be angry or hate you) he might be more understanding.

Do you think the two friends who know might be able to help you in regards as to what to say and how to word things, as they're up to speed on the situation?

Thank you for the reply, I really appreciate it.
I can't tell him. I've tried but its too hard and I'm too scared. My friends can't really help as they've got a lot going on. This is all so hard, every day I hope it'll get easier but it never does. Im so low and stuck in this awful suicidal place, and horrible eating/cutting cycles and no one knows except me. It's such a lonely place. My boyfriend just would never be able to accept these feelings :'( its a huge mess.

What makes you say he wouldn't be able to accept them? I'm sorry things are so messy for you at the moment. Do you think maybe writing him a letter might help, if it's too scary to actually verbalise these issues. I don't blame you for feeling afraid, I think it's a totally understandable reaction to have, I'd feel the same.

Hi.
I just wanted to say I can understand how you're feeling right now. I'm trying find the courage to tell my boyfriend how I'm feeling and that I've got appointments with the psych etc but I'm scared to.
Like Demons To Some said, try writing him a letter if it's a lot to say to him verbally. That's what I'm planning to do...it's just hard writing it.
I don't think he would ever leave you or hate you, from what you've said, he sounds very supportive and that he just wants to help you. Chances are, like my boyfriend said before, that he knows something's going on if you've distanced yourself because he would have noticed.
Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, my head's a bit of a mess, but I wanted you to know I care and I can understand.
I hope you're okay and if you wanna talk feel free to drop me a PM.
x K x

Thank you for the replies.
He knows something has happened, and things are going on, he just doesnt know what or how bad they are.
He's made a doctors appointment for me for him to go to this week because he said i need help and he doesnt know what else to do.
I was bothered a lot by this, because ultimately, in him going that appointment, all my secrets, will no doubt come out. And, actually, Im glad.
At least once he knows, he knows. No more lying, and no more carrying around the guilt. Ive been struggling ever since the OD with carrying something that huge around and I need to talk about it with him, I have to talk. And if he leaves, he leaves - if hes that type of person, which i dont think he is - he'd have left anyway, and i'd rather get those people out of my life, than further down the line. But i dont think he will leave, if he was going to leave he wouldnt be trying to get me help. I have no idea how the appointment will go - no doubt it will be a huge waste of time, again - but maybe, just maybe, something positive may come from it...

Thank you for your kind replies xx

Maybe at least if things do come out it'll mean he knows without you telling him and he'll broach the subject instead of you.
I hope it goes well for you, please let us know :)
x K x

I hope so, thank you for your support :) xx

He might not be surprised when you tell him, I've found with people close to me when I've told them something they weren't terribly surprised. They knew something was wrong with my behaviour, so it wasn't something coming out of the blue when I told them things. I hope it goes well, and like K said, let us know how it goes?

My doctor broke the news to my husband that I self harmed etc...it was much easier for me doing it that way than for me to tell him and i think he accepted it more coming from the gp

Good luck xx