Back to RYL... I could have swore I was done with this...
 

First off, thank you guys for being here - I doubt I'd still recognize any user names but it's awesome that the site is still up and helping people as it did for me as a teenager.

Through some mental miracle, I stopped SH when I was 19 after 5 years of using it as my only coping mechanism. I was doing really well too; I had two jobs, my own apartment, I could see my friends, and for once my life was under my control. It was awesome.

It seems now that I made a mistake along the way. A few years later, I went against my own best advice and got into a relationship. He is an amazing guy, very sweet, and so I've done all I can to make this work. We've got a lot against us, he's a good deal older and has already done the wife/kids things, but I've busted my ass to adjust and help so that we can be together because (and I know this sounds clichéd, that everyone says it, all that) he's worth it to me.

Because of this I have traded my independence for a chance at a future... and I'm even trying to do things right this time. I have NEVER told my man a lie, never been dishonest, and have done my best to be open and not hide every thought and feeling. In exchange, I get yelled at and treated like I am stupid for even questioning if there is a future with us. I understand it's because he doesn't have any answers either, but I never imagined I'd get this treatment.

So here I am, a 23-year-old permanent babysitter and housekeeper who (sometimes) gets laid instead of (never) getting paid. I wish I knew how to deal with the fact that I've been in a 2-year relationship with zero future; I wish I knew how to find someone that felt the same way I do about honesty; I wish I just didn't f-ing care... but if I did, I wouldn't be back here I guess.

Either way, smoking cigarettes and shaving my legs are definitely not activities that are safe today.

<3 Love you guys, stay strong

I'm sorry you're feeling low right now, but always remember everyone is here to help and listen and this is the one place you can say what you feel openly and not feel like you're going to be judged.

I was in a relationship for just over a year which I thought was bliss and I thought we were going to get married and have children and because I loved them I never questioned the put downs and the constant shouting and quite frankly abuse. I thought for the sake of my 'future' I had to deal with it and this was just how it was. But try and remember you deserve to be treated with respect and to be loved and treated in a loving non abusive manner.

The realisation that the relationship your in isn't working is hard to accept and it can make you feel really low. Its natural to care about whats happening and not want it to be going the way it is, but you have to do what is best for you, what ever the decision you make is.

You are such a strong person, the achievement of stopping SH is amazing. Always remember the strength it took to do that.

Stay Strong as well *hugs*

Rhian

I recognize you. I think we used to talk a lot. I'm sorry you have had to come back, but I'm glad you remembered RYL and are using it to support you again =] I wish I had more awesome words of wisdom, but sadly I don't..
PM me if you'd like. I used to be iamthedeadonewalking.

Rhian, Laura, you guys are awesome, thank you so much for dropping some kind words :) I made it through the day safe, no relapse. Please let me know if you ever need anything

glad you made it through the day.

Realizing that the person you are in a relationship with is not on the same page as you are is hard at any point and time. From the way you phrased things it sounds as though you are being used and your thoughts and feelings are not being validated.

You got through a very hard time in your life and were able to make positive decisions. It sounds like you need to tap into that part of yourself now and figure out what is best for YOU and do that.

good luck and take care