A bit triggered
 

So I had my first psychiatrist appointment today. It did not go well, not at all. I think this woman has come to the (wrong) conclusion that I was either abused or my family life is somewhat lacking in normality. Oh, and she implied that I may be autistic to some degree.

I go into this room, no introductions, just straight into what reminded me of a police interrogation. Asking question after question, and she seemed so angry. I was terrified. She demanded to know why I was there, and I said I didn't know why I was sent I was. She then demanded to know the details of my cutting and ODs and when I refused to give straight answers, she just asked more and more questions. I was close to teas and just refused to speak at this point, so she started to imply that I was abused as a child, because if you cut, you must have been hurt as a child, which is news to me. She wouldn't stop with the interrogating until I said something she found to be of value, and then she was a bit nicer, but now I'm terrified.

I don't know where I stand, she said I was normal, no need for medication, and the next thing she said is she'll get me a prescription for an anti psychotic?

Then she's being all supportive, telling me she doesn't know how I'm managing to hold it all together? And telling me I can phone any time if my SI or anything changes, and she will fit me in within the week?

I feel like she's messing with my head. It was like she was trying to make me think my parents are bad parents and that they hurt me in some way when they didn't, and then she's being all nice.

I'm so confused and now I'm just feeling triggered because I don't know where I stand with her or my psychologist. I've never been so scared of a medical person in my life. And I can't see my psychologist until Friday because she is fully booked, and only works Wednesday - Friday so I can't get in touch with her until then.

Sorry for the rant, I just really, really don't want to cut and I'm so scared I will over something so trivial as this woman. :o

ok, so definately talk with your psychologist about this when you get next see her.

is there a way that you could look into a different psychiatrist? even though i don't like psychaitrists as much as psychologists in general, none of my visits have been like that. and what you described would really upset me as well. the psychiatrist is only going to be helpful if you can trust her and feel safe there, and it doesn't sound very promising with this one's style....

No, there is no way of seeing someone else because this one visits the local health centre so mum doesn't need to find out I go... The local hospital is too far away to get to without a car, so mum would need to drive me.

that sounds very upsetting, I'm sorry you had to go through that. not all psychiatrists are like that. I really hope your psychologist can refer you to someone else and I'd suggest you don't go see her again unless you're instructed to do so by a person you trust - like your psychologist.
do you have a GP that might be able to help with your issues?
please message me if you need to talk and distract yourself from cutting!
maybe you can try some distractions like watching a movie, drawing, playing an instrument, or whatever else it is you like to do?

I am sorry you had such a bad experience. That psychiatrist didn't sound very nice, and it's never fun having to open up to someone who isn't nice. I've had similiar experiences and I know how awkward it is opening up to a stranger. Not all psychiatrists are like that though. Could you try some distractions? Writing, reading, drawing, watch a movie?