depression or not
 

ok so i have been told i have depression, but it is not like typical depression

i have self harm issues , and black and white thinking (or so i am told)

i have no clue what is wrong and my parents think i am fine,

if i was fine i would not be hacking up my arms....


what is going on????


does anyone know?

Have you talked to any professionals about how you've been feeling?

If not, a school counselor may be a good place to start, would that be an option for you?

I can't tell you whats going on with you, I wish I could help more, but if you can find some help in your area I think that would be a good start to figuring this out.

Who was it that said you had depression? Did they explain it to you, and did they let you know what support would be available for you going forward, counselling/therapy/medication... all are options with depression.

I wonder how they have explained this to you - or if at all, as you do not sound sure. Not being "typical" does not make how you feel any less real. I do not have a "typical" form of depression either, but I know my feelings and reactions are still valid and real.

Do you think involving your parents would be a good thing for you?

I think it would be a good idea to speak to these people again and ask them to explain their diagnosis to you. To explain what it is, and how they can help you deal with your symptoms. CBT, for example could help with some of the thought processes.

Be gentle with yourself and maybe, in the mean time, look through some of the distraction lists and help available for self harm on the forum.

Roiben x

thanks, it was a therpist at school, and she just said that i would take meds and be fine and it got worse. my parents still think i am fakeing , i could kill myself and they still would think i was fake.

and what is CBT?

CBT = Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It helps you change the way you think.

I also have very "black and white thinking", but I have Borderline Personality Disorder.

It is definitely worth seeing your GP. May I ask how old you are? If you're 14, you can make an appointment and see a GP etc yourself in the UK.

You are correct, if you're cutting, there is a problem. You obviously are very aware of this, which is great news! Some people don't realise there's a problem.

Talking here will help. It's often easier to ask a bunch of randomers for advice with problems first, and then seek proper "real world" help.

If you've already tried meds, don't give up. There are a LOT of them, and it took me about 3 or 4 to find one that worked. Now I'm becoming immune to it, so we start the journey again lol.

Also, meds are only to HELP. They are not CURES and they will not SOLVE problems. This is where you need a counsellor in place also.

If you're not sure what it is that makes you feel bad, try to write a story about someone you made up, and base them on yourself. OR write a list of things you see as a problem, and things that stress you out and/or upset you, and things you want to talk to someone about, and also stressful/bad things that don't necessarily make you feel bad now, but happened when you were little.

It might be something buried in your self-consciousness that's causing your depression.

A therapist cannot diagnose clinical depression, or any other condition. You need to see a GP for that.

Also, there is no such thing as "typical" or not. Every one's different. Very, very different.

PM if you want some more help. Any time.

I agree with MJ here, a therapist is not able to formally diagnose - which would explain why you have not had it explained fully to you. Do make an appointment with a GP or cahms and ask them what would help how you are feeling.

You say you have taken meds, how long have you been on them - as it can take a while for them to begin to work, and often the very start feels a little worse before it levels out again.

I agree with MJ that there is no real "typical" the key thing here is to discuss with your care team (GP and any other professionals) what your symptoms are (si, black and white thinking and any other) and find what of those issues you can work on.

Roiben x

about the meds..... i was on them for 2 months and then my parents took me off them
as soon as i get up to school i will start see a therpist for CBT and that might work... the p.a. that works with the therpists at my college put me on st john's wort and it is helping a bit...

Two months is not long enough for the meds to have been able to start working, which would explain why you felt worse.

Hopefully the CBT will help. When you are due to see the therapist/get to school?

Roiben x

The 21st ....

Best of luck.

Roiben x

As well as the fact that 2 months is not long enough to judge enough properly, the fact that your parents took you off them, may be a factor. Especially if they did it without the consent of whoever prescribed them or abruptly.

A lot of meds have the effect of having either terrible withdrawal symptoms if you withdraw them abruptly, or alternatively your original illness (in this case depression) could come back twice as worse.

Did your parents say why they wanted you off the meds? Was it the case of not being able to afford it or was it because they found the side effects unacceptable? Or was it another reason (believing that meds in under 18s is very dangerous)? If it was because of the side effects then it may be the case another meds may be more tolerable to you. If it was due to the fact that they dont believe in meds for you, the best thing to do is explain that you may need meds. Remember it's your body and your illness - not theirs! If it is due to financial reasons, then it's a bit harder to solve.

The best thing is to hang on in there until your appointment with the school.

they just thought i was acting up ... and so they just said it's was s#it and took them from me, at the time i was 18 (last summer) I am going to be 20 in nov.

so i am trying to get into therapy ... what do i talk about? i am freaking out about it.....