Does anyone ever wonder?
 

If not cutting was a waste of time.
I dream about.
I think about it all the time.






I want that relief once again.

do u mean. do u think cutting is ever awaste of time

No, I mean do you think stopping was pointless?

If you mean, if not cutting is a waste of time; Sometimes I've felt that all the days and weeks I've spent trying to distract myself weren't worth it because I've self harmed and not in any way tried to distract myself. Just gave in straight away.

But I think I generally come round to the opinion that any time I don't self harm is good. Even if it felt like I threw it away, I didn't. Any time you've managed not to self harm is good.

I haven't done it in a couple of months and I'm falling apart...
For some reason I feel like if I did it all would be well.

You've done well to go so long without self harming. Is there anything that's making your situation harder right now? Has anything sparked this?

My Guidance Counselor at school has been calling me back.
She us a constant reminder.

Are you usually in regular contact with her or is she calling back after a period of not hearing from you?

Calling me back after a period of not hearing from me.
I mean I understand that she wants to check up on me, but she is digging old shit up.
Stuff that i want to get over.

I can imagine that must be very difficult. Are you getting any sort of help for the old things that happened? Will they continue to do these follow-ups?

I went through therapy and was dismissed after 3 or so visits.
I've been told I'm fine, truth I just can't open up to people.

I have no idea... I hope not.... I just want it all to end.

Do you think if you felt more able to open up then therapy might be beneficial to you? Sometimes I've found writing and letting therapists know things that way can help as it's a little removed, not like direct face to face contact. Then it might be easier to talk about it once they know a little bit.

To be honest I don't want to go back to therapy.

I just wish all this would fade away and I know it won't...

I feel therapy is only really helpful if you're ready for it, and sometimes people just aren't ready which is totally understandable.

Sadly some things won't fade, despite our wanting them to. Is there any way you can express yourself, maybe through writing or art as a way to process things? Sometimes I feel writing is a great therapy for me personally.

You are right, it may not fade away, but you can work through it! I know you can do it! Just keep pushing.

Maybe you could ask the counselor at school to stop bringing it up? I know how that feels and makes the past a constant reminder.

I have/had pretty much the same issue with therapy. Anyone else you could talk to? Let things out or just to talk with in general?

I actually do have someone else I talk to.
Her name is Jennifer and gosh she is great.
I just beam thinking about how helpful she is.
And talking to her helps but there is only so much she can do for me, ya know what I mean?

It's great that you have her to talk to. I guess talking to someone about how you're feeling can really help but might not necessarily make those feelings dissipate. Does she know how you're feeling at the moment?

Yeah, i promised her that I would also tell her when the urge arises

I can see that happening. Just tell her that you've just started thinking about other things and that bringing stuff up doesn't feel healthy right now. Sometimes the more people talk about problems the more they can keep the psychic funk alive.