Since I was a kid....
 

Ever since I was young, ever since I can remember, I've always had that desire to be injured. Whether it be by accident or on purpose, I wanted to be the one who broke a wrist, got hit by a car, got shot or hurt by an abductor etc...
I eventually gave up on it happening unintentionally... but i don't quite understand my reasoning as to why I want to be hurt in the first place. It's like a craving, and I've gone through the list of different reasons that people SI and none of them fit me.

I have quite the addictive personality and I was able to hold off for so many years... but when I started cutting it already formed into a habit very quickly and I wanted to stop because the longer I go, the harder it becomes... So far I'm at one month free, and have been doing stupid things like deliberately searching for triggers. Something is just unsatisfied within me unless I see injuries on my body.

Maybe YOU want to be seen, but you don't know how?

don't think that's it either.

and i relapsed. killed my butterfly.

Oh dear. That's a shame. But you can do a new one. How are you doing today?