I'm so confused
 

Life is pretty good right now. Well I think it is. For instance school is okay, not my best but better than before. I'm doing good in my courses and such. I still have no friends here at college. It's the middle of April, and I've been here for over 7 months and not single friend. Sure I have my roommate but we only wave hi by each other outside and in the room we obviously talk. Theres a couple other girls from my suite who I say hi to outside of it, and one girl who I walk to math class and have breakfast with after that. But besides that, I have absolutely no one. In high school I had a best friend who I knew for like 7 years and two other close friends. I'm sorry I'm rambling but I just feel so lonely down here. Besides being lonely, there are days where I feel fine and I'm happy, and then I think to myself, "why are you happy?". I shouldn't be happy. I'm a friendless, worthless freak. I haven't cut for two months, but theres days where I really want to. I hate myself so much, and I don't deserve to be happy.

I'm glad school is going well for you. As for friends, have you been involved in any extra curricular things such as sports teams or any clubs? I'd definitely recommend joining a club you are interested in as you would meet like-minded people who if you open up to would become friends. Maybe some of the people in your life now would become closer if you invited them to do something outside of school like going for coffee or something similar. Or invite people over to your place for lunch, or dinner and a movie, or to just hang out. Take initiative to make friends and you will probably make lifelong friends.
You are not a worthless freak and you do deserve to be happy. You have gone 2 months!! which is great and definitely something to celebrate and be happy about. Of course there will be days you feel like you want to give in but you've made it this far and you can continue going! *HUGS* Take Care!!

Thank you for your reassurance.. I wish I had joined some clubs back in September as I don't like sports. But its too late now...

You can always join next year or you can start your own club.
Are any of your friends from high school near you? You could always hang out with them when you get the chance if they are.
You can message me anytime you want to talk about anything. Take Care *HUGS*