SH controling my social life.
 

Hello,
So yeah that last few days have been really hard on me. I've been really low and unmotivated to do anything. Not only that but I've been struggling to grasp that i may have a mild case of social anxiety disorder. I didn't know this till I went to see my doctor and she was asking me if I get anxious in social situations. She was asking me this becuse I let slip to her that what triggers my self harm sometimes is social situations like college, my placements I'm at and parties. As a result of this I'm now scared of socialising in college etc incase I feel triggered or something. I dread going to college because of it. It got so bad that the party I was at on saturday, I didn't enjoy myself one bit. When I had to go home early because I was feeling triggered. This is really getting to me now, because what if I can't finsh my course, or what if I can't get a job, or go out? I've also found that I've said very little, in terms of conversation. I'm scared of suddenly saying something silly (because I've been doing that recently). I'm now tired of self harm, its wearing me down to the point where I can no longer stand up and fight it. Its taken control over me now more than ever. I'm back in that place where every little thing upsets me or triggers me. Anyway enough of that. So yeah I'm a little confused on how I feel right now. I want help, but I get so close and it falls through. :-(

-Rach-

it sounds a bit (and i may be wrong) that what your doctor said is making you more anxious and worried and upset. i would try not to focus on the "what if x will make me worried/triggered" thoughts. doing that is only going to lead you to isolate yourself, which then means that when you do interact with people you will be more anxious than before and more likely to be triggered.

the way that i know to combat social anxiety is to make yourself be in social situations. not ones so stressful that you're completely overwhelmed, but enough that you feel a bit anxious, or embarassed, whatever the negative feeling is, and then to not back down from it and prove to yourself that you can cope with the uncomfortableness. over time if you keep doing this you'll get used to the situation and feel more and more at ease.