My Sons../Nightmare *possibly triggering*
 

My twin boys would have been four yesterday...They died in my arms right after they were born..because I couldn't save them. I woke up this morning from the worst nightmare...I was in a cemetery, there were so many children, so many faces. All of them needing help, needing me, and I couldn't reach them. Couldn't save them. Then I saw my baby boys..and I couldn't get to them they were crying, screaming and always just out of reach. In my dream I was covered in blood, I'm not sure if it was my blood or the blood of all the children..I know its my fault that my babies are gone, I didn't save them. I live with the regret and the pain everyday..but this dream..I can't shake it..I know what a horrible mother I am for not even being able to save my own infant children..I want to bleed like I was in the dream, maybe then I will feel better. Maybe then my babies will know, just how much I regret not being able to save them. How much I regret that it was them that died and not me...

I can't even imagine how that must feel, just want to show some support.
Hugs.

Hannah, Talk to me! Please!

hugs i cant imagine how painful this must be but you werent a horrid mum, your a great mum even tough they are gone your still a good mum
please take care

It wasn't your fault, how you ever received counselling to help you begin to process the loss you had? *hugs*

Thank you everyone for your kind words. No I have not ever had counselling for it, Just kinda taken it one day at a time on my own. Just recently I finally told my sister about it..she had always suspected but never knew for sure. So I had someone to cry with. She had lost twin babies last year so we had a mutual connection that made it easier to cry together. So now I have a little more support closer to home, which is always nice. It's hard sometimes looking at my two little girls now, wondering what my boys would be like, and what it would be like if they were here with their sisters.

I'm glad to hear you have the support of your sister

Yes, Me too. It's been a long time coming. I am glad that I told her. I just haven't told her about my nightmares yet. They have morphed into something more morbid and distressing than i thought was possible of the subconcious. I am afraid to sleep because of them, But I am sure in time I will learn to adjust to the nightly dreams and once again regain my sleeping nature.

Hannah huney, you don't have to adjust to these horrible nightmares. You don't have to just accept that this is part of your life. God can and would love to free you from them. A wise young women once told me that you can do anything through he who strengthens you, so I know you believe in his strength. Nothing is too big for God! You do your part n he'll do his. I love you sweetie!

Love you too!! thank you! it's nice to have those reminders of everything I forget during these times that I seem to lose myself. Thank you!

Of course!