can't stop seeing it
 

I SH'ed quite badly yesterday, ended up being sent off to hospital to get sorted out. Normally after i've given in to that extent there'll be a lull for a few days
But not this time.

Every time i close my eyes i see myself doing it. I hear it, i feel it. It makes me feel sick and at the same time it makes me want it.

I don't know what to do. I'm so tired but i can't close my eyes, i just see it over and over again.

When my eyes are open i can distract myself, i dont have to think of it, it's only when i close my eyes that i can't get rid of it.

I don't know what to do, i've never had this before. This images are so real, it's like i'm there in the room with myself doing it. I don't know how long i can hold on for like this.

could you watch a movie that you know really well? one that isn't triggering. that way you'd have something to watch, but it wouldn't hold your attention too much, and you'd eventually fall asleep.

do you have anyone to call that can help you? or at least be there with you for a while.

Thanks for your reply, i've been keeping myself busy today, staying out of the house. To be honest i'm scared for tonight when everyones gone home and im here alone again. I have a friend coming over in about 30 mins but when she leaves i wont be able to hide from it all anymore.

Blegh. I've never had this before so i dont really know how to deal with it.

You could take a long relaxing bubble bath. No blades, just bubbles! Maybe listen to some music in the bath. Then pop some popcorn n watch a fun movie. You could come back on here, maybe check out a chat room till ya get silly tired. There's a great list of distractions on the homepage here n also on a thread called "things to do instead of harming". It's really good! You're not alone hun! Pm if you need someone to keep ya busy.

*hugs* I don't know that I can provide much help, but I really hope you're alright! I'm glad you went to the hospital to get it checked out... that's a good thing.

You can always send a message if you need to talk

*more hugs and love*

Thanks guys.

I'm hanging in there, still seeing the images and it's still really messing up my sleep so i don't know what i can do about that... I'm seeing my psychologist on Monday, i just have to get through the weekend first.

Distractions for me are really only a temporary thing, i do try them, believe me, i've tried everything, but there will come a point - often sooner rather than later - where they just don't work anymore and i will snap and SH. I guess that;s just the way it is for me.

I understand that seems to be just the way things are for you, but that doesn't mean that's the way they will always be. Don't give up!