RYL Forums - Just seen primary dr very upset triggering

I have posted in here many of times and everyone has been very helpful. Today I had a dr appt and I will explain why it was upsetting after I give you some background. Before many many months ago thru therapy I had gotten stronger mentally,confident, no longer afraid to be by myself, and I had stopped harming for a couple of years. Then I start getting really really ill. In and out of the hospital for basically the same reasons. I've had so many test it's pathetic. The only test that ever show anythings wrong is my potassium is depleted, magnesium, iron, vitamin d, malabsorption. I have lost half my body weight. Here is where the dr appt comes in. I ask him where do we go from here? He writes scripts for naseau and pain without me asking. Then he turns to me and tells me It's in my mind because I am bipolar and that I will continue to lose weight for reasons he doesn't know. Okay one I've been living with the bipolar a long time. Two, I was at my happiest prime ever in my life. I was in college pursuing my dreams. I had a mom who all my life said she was sick and dying every single day. I rarely go to a dr because of that. The last thing I would do is make myself sick. Nothing he said connects. Also, why would he write for naseau and pain medications without me asking if this was in my head? This has me more than just upset. The symptoms are too numerous to name. I am suppose to set back watch my body waste away and suffer because I supposedly am making myself sick? He is the one who withdrew me from college on medical terms because he felt I was too ill. I was a year away from graduating. Feb seventh I start back and I haven't told him about it. Nothing I am nothing I do makes me insane and I have a therapist that can back me up on that. Yes I self harm but I do not like it want to do it suggest to do it. I hate it but even that doesnt make me insane. I am in fear right now. I am not encouraging anyone to do this and if you find it triggering plz close out now and I apologize. I am fighting the urge to harm. This is really more than I can handle. I can't call my therapist because she is in session and doesn't have a set hour you can talk to her. She doesn't stay after hours and the ones who do are the ones who will admit you but I am not suicidal so I don't qualify. I keep calling the help crisis line because one they make sure your in a safe room and two sometimes it really helps to get it out and prevents me from harming. I am so tired of people being ignorant to mental illness. My ex has my grown children convinced he never knows which voice he is talking to when hes talking to me. My own children believe I am a liar because of him. Again I explain. Bipolar is a chemical imbalance that with medication corrects the problem. It doesn't cause anger multiple personalities or voices. Its a mere seretonin block that treated with medication corrects the problem. I am very educated on my illnesses. I am compliant with my medication. I am underestimated because for the last 15 years without college experience can take a computer apart and put it back together again. In my town I fix peoples computers and give classes. Now I also have years of college behind me as well and more to come. Bipolar does not define me I define it. I will be giving you all well wishes who battle the same demon I do. Sometimes the emotional pain is too much to bare for one person let alone many. The nurse who took my blood today saw where I harmed and she said oh no you went so long. All I could do was look down ashamed. Doing this is far from pretty. I fight and fight not to harm. I don't think a person who suffers from this would ever make it look cool or anything like that to anybody. I know in therapy eventually I will get back to where I was but better. For now this is a battle I must fight. Stay safe everyone. Every need anyone I'm here for you. I'm a better listener lol.:angry: