whats wrong when everythings right
 

I don't really know why i'm posting this coz i'm doing kinda good, but i dont know theres something not quite right that i can't put my finger on.

I'm diagnosed with a personality disorder and schizophrenia and have an injection of an anti psychotic once a week and take anti depressants. Lately I've been doing really good. I havent heard any voices for a whole two weeks and my mood seems to have lifted lately. All this seems really good but I still feel bad somehow. I dont know maybe i'm only just beginning to realise how bad things have been the last year (i spent a year in hospital the last three months on a section 3) or maybe it's because i've realised how useless my life is - i dont work, i live off benefits and i really struggle to get out of bed, as in if i dont have anything to do i sleep in til like four in the afternoon.

Also i'm really worried, as ideally i want to come off the injection and they are slowly reducing the dosage, but i'm terrified that this will be a big mistake and my 'symptoms' will come back. Also i NEVER want to come off my anti depressant. I know that sounds bad but i came off it for a while and was an absolute mess. I'm terrified my psych is going to make me start coming off them. It was also suggested that i switch from mirtazapine to venlafaxine due to the reduced sedation and i kinda want to try this. i dont know, i dont really know what to do about anything anymore....

i guess i'm just looking for some support and for someone to tell me everything will be alright?

hope everyones ok.,

jen x

Everything *will* be alright :)
Why would you like to reduce the anti-psychotic injection when it is helping to control your symptoms?
I don't think your psychiatrist will try to take you off your medication if it is helping to maintain your mental health. He / she wants you to be well.
I can totally understand the feelings of uselessness but you are a very worthy person even if you can't see that right now. I think it would be a good idea to perhaps think about voluntary work or joining a club, taking up a hobby or maybe starting a course in something you enjoy. Something to give you direction in your life and a drive to get up before midday :)
I've been in the same situation as you describe with getting up late and such but it is a rut that you can definitely get out of.

xx

Hey,

I agree with the above - if your anti-psychotics are helping, it seems daft to me to come off them! Discuss it with your psychiatrist. If you're happy to keep on it, then that's a really positive thing as a lot of people aren't, come off them, and get really ill again.

I just want to say that I can totally relate about how being in hospital etc and realising just how ill you have been, can be very unsettling. I still think about my time in hospital a lot. It was obviously a very difficult time for you, and I think it's only natural that it takes time to come to terms with being so unwell. That's completely normal. In terms of feeling useless, I can relate to this too. The best thing I can advise is that you get involved in things again. Slowly at first, but joining a club, doing some exercise, making friends or meeting up with old ones will give your mental health a massive boost and will make you feel more valued. What's helped me most is returning to work (part-time doing a very non-stressful job), starting exercising again, making the effort to meet up with friends and getting a puppy. That sounds like a lot, and now that I've written it down it really shocks me that I've managed all that, but it was all done very gradually. Even if you did a fraction of that I'm sure it would make you feel better about yourself.

I really hope this helps. Take care.