oh no bad moment help please
 

Not good.

I'm here in the office and I can't cope. Every fibre of my self is saying I can't be here, I don't want to be here, I cannot stay here. I've gone back and forth to the toilets somany times just to not be in all the noise and activity and the office. I can feel a lump of panic welling up inside me and I can't work out why it is there or where it came from. I can't stop [TRIGGER WARNING :exclamationmark: ] I did the same thing on Friday and there are loads of marks left over. I thought I would feel better after the weekend but I just slept through most of it and today I am back in and feeling it all over again. :sad:

I cannot go home although I really want to because I amalready in trouble for having so much time off sick due to side effects of my meds and my anxiety problem - I'm supposed to have a HR disciplinary at some point soon over it so I cannot absolutely CANNOT go home but I feel just awful and I can't calm down. The grounding techniques I was taught aren't helping.

i wish i knew how to help. you said the grounding techniques arent working already. ummm, how many more hours do you have left before you go home?

the day will pass and so will these feelings.

stay strong.
much love
xxxxxxxxxx

Are you in a union? Does work know why you've taken time off? They should record disability related absences differently and it takes longer to cross the threshold for any disciplinary issue. Get a copy of the absence policy. Usually the first stage is to find out how they can help and refer you to OH, so try not to worry too much about that.

Do you have access to any help lines/support? Get referred to OH if you haven't been already and ask for time to contact someone like a duty worker as a reasonable adjustment. Talking to someone may help you calm down, especially if you know you can when you are finding things difficult at work.

Thank you for your support. I went home at 5pm and managed to get a call from the work counsellors (they have a telephone counselling thing) while I was still in the office. They pulled me back down to ground level, but I'd already given in to self harm. There were far too many things on my desk to use! I think I may have to start putting the particular items in a lockable drawer.

Tonight I felt okay but then just now tried to go to bed and started having panic moments. I've been changed meds recently so I'm thinking that might be the cause, as there was not external trigger for any of this.

Work know all about my issues and, to be honest, they've been really supportive, but my meds and my mental issues have led me to have a large amount of time off so they are in a difficult position. It sucks for me, especially now, but I don't blame them for it.

I'd get union advice and ask to be be signed off until your medication kicks in and you feel better. I'm sure they would rather have you there well, then dragging yourself in feeling this bad. x

Well the good news is I had a long chat with HR at work today. I've tried to be honest with them all through this so I told them what happened yesterday. There is a counselling thing they offer through work called the EWP- I'd used up all my sessions for the year (6 per 12 month period) but under the circumstances they advised they would clear me for more and would get in touch with my counsellor to arrange it. They're going to ask my counsellor for advice so that they can provide a sort of "panic button" option for me in the office - the HR person, my manager and another person in the office who knows about this will be my go-to people. If I feel urges, or panic, or anxiety or anything like that I can just go and find one of them and they will help talk me back down to reality based on what the counsellor advises would be helpful, or even just take me away somewhere quiet where there won't be noise and where I will be away from items that might trigger urges, or become focal points for urges.

I'm going to ask my GP about the meds. I was on citalopram before and it really helped my urges and anxiety, but the side effects caused me to have a lot of time off. Now I'm on the sertraline I have very few side effects, but clearly it isn't doing what it is supposed to do! I don't know if he will change the meds, up the dose or what, but I figure I can't stay with what I'm taking now.

You are very lucky to work in such a supportive environment. I hope that the GP can sort out the medication.

I know, I'm very fortunate (even if I do still moan about my employer once in a while, but then who doesn't?) they don't get anxiety, emotional issues or SI, but they are willing to learn and to accept, which to me means so much.