Numb / almost soothing sensation
 

I feel really bad saying this, but have to admit it to myself I think....the more I seem to starve myself the more I get this kinda numbed feeling...both physically and emotionally. Its almost like all I have to do is focus on my breathing....keep myself warm...and nothing else matters. Its scaring me because I kinda like this feeling...this sensation. Its almost soothing. Its no longer just about control, food, weight, fat, thin, how I look. Its become physical..........its part of me, and its harming me, yet its like I am liking the harming me part. How screwed up can I get? How the hell do you try to express this to others? How on earth can anyone "normal" and "sane" begin to understand - how can I possibly tell them?

Not really sure what the point of my post is........sorry.........I just dont know who or where else to tell this to.......and I needed to get it out.......

I can really relate to this, when I was restricting heavily I felt a sense of 'knowing what I was doing' and feeling safe within that, I would be focused on keeping warm, and not thinking about thoughts. It essentially distracted me. I think now I am more interested in harming myself through food/lack of but I still get the fears about my weight and size.

I think you have explained it quite well actually... Is there anyone professional you are working with that you could show this post and talk about how to move forward.

Its okay to talk, keep doing so if it helps :)

This is quite common at a certain stage of starvation however as well as being peacefully numbed out it is important to remember that you are probably missing out on a lot of happiness and laughter, I know I was when I was all numb.

I know how you feel and you are not alone.

I know that feeling "numb" can feel safe, but you deserve so much more than the numbness. You deserve happiness and laugher, and your body deserves to be healthy. Please try to eat, lovely, you need and deserve the food.
Do you have anyone you can talk to about this?

You are not alone.

*hugs gently*

We are here for you.

Jess x