Dr? A&E? What should I do?
 

Heya, haven't posted for ages and feel a bit bad bothering you folks but need some advice...
Basically I have had very bad problems with depression/anxiety type stuff in the past... ongoing at various levels for years. The reason I say 'depression anxiety type stuff' is thats kinda what it was but of course it was labelled borderline personality disorder (though when actually properly diagnosed, this didn't fit, nothing did...) a big dose of something like PTSD after a horrific breakup/abusive relationship encouraged this mis-diagnosis.
Anyway so yeh I've been thru the real crap of the system and as such am very reluctant to get involved again, but I have been feeling really down sometimes in the past couple of months... not like desperate for help like it used to be, but quietly thinking... I cant do this anymore. I have called friends sometimes, but it is getting to the point where I dont want to... I dont want to be a burden and tbh I cant face the thought of relying on them like before and pissing them off and losing them.
Today I actually woke up feel suicidal, tried to fight it, but despite a big hug from lovely housemate am losing the battle..... stopped even crying now. Its sunny which usually helps but today it's not. I phoned the dr. in desperation and they dont have appointments til next week, or I can ring first thing in the morning and try to get one tomorrow.
Or I could go to A&E... this is what the drs. receptionist suggested but she wasnt very helpful and pointed out that I'd need to see the dr. before being referred to MH people anyway.
I know how crappy A&E is and I REALLY dont want to go thru the humiliation and despair of psychs and stuff again, but if I wait to see the dr. I'll have to go thru the whole ringing every minute for an hour thingy, as well as waking up when I'll probly be in a gd sleep...... and I dont know about today.
Typing all this out makes me realise how futile it all is, just by saying 'I have a problem' (a problem no meds can help as I know from experience, and most psychs think is crap) means I'm at their mercy and feel like a worthless failure, and whats the point if they wont help me anyway?
It wasnt until I'd lost jobs, friends, and almost my home, and wound up in hospital after a suicide attempt that they helped me before.
I cant go thru that again.
Advice, plz........ trying to hold on

If you went and saw your GP you could get a referral to the crisis team who can come and see you and stuff. I think you can self refer but only if you've had dealings with them before. Other than that you could try going to the walk in centre and see if they can do anything? A&E would really be best though if you feel you're a danger to yourself.

Oh the other thing is you could call NHS direct and ask what they think you should do or call or visit your local samaritans?

hello x do try getting to see the doctor , and all receptionists are so up themselves so dont let them get to you . your doctor is there to help you , you are not a burden x take care be brave x