could need some support...
 

Hello everybody,
sorry for writing you this...this post will be depressing.
I´ve been having a shitty day and I cannot stop crying :crying: .

I am afraid that I will complain to much but now, there are so many things which have happend during the last weeks and therefore, I am having a little breakdown.
My depression which is always there, hit me harder again.
I guess, I could need some support right now.

- This noon, I had therapy and it didn´t go well and I doubt whether this therapist is the right one for me and if she understands me.
I had searched for a year to get into therapy (this is quite hard in Germany) and she is my only hope.
My therapist is so much against SI and furthermore, she said that I shouldn´t talk with my friends about my mental problems because they are medical laymen.

- I doubt so much on my stopping with SI and it gets harder and harder for me not to slip up.

- This evening, I had a little problem with my mum on the phone but now, at least that is O.K. again.

- Then, I wanted to phone my best friend and well, our friendship is very complicated because our needs differ very much.
I just wanted to speak with him because I do not feel well and then, there were some misunderstandings and we had a trouble.
When I started to cry, he got really nerved and angry and because of that I had to cry even more.

- I am so tensed because my phobia hit me again very bad and moreover, my nightmares get worse each day.
I have severe sleeping problems with my sleeping rhythmus and the nightmares make everything worse.
I have kind of hangovers, so the following day I am still afraid or angry of persons I have dreamt of.

- I am still suffering from typist´s cramp in both arms and I feel like I am a complete loser because I cannot fulfill any of my good intensions.
Everytime I do something, the pains come back and I feel like getting punished for everything I do.

- In not even three weeks I will have an oral exam and I haven´t not even learnt yet but not even registered for the exam, too, and I am afraid that I will manage this next week (before the time out).

- Furthermore, I´ll have to apply for a practical work for my studying and time is running away, too.
What is even worth, I am so afraid because I do not trust myself to be good enough for working because of my depression and my sleeping problems.

Sorry for writing everything down.
I know that there are many things that are worse these problems and I had suffered from much more worse things but now, all these little problems are adding themselves and I breakdown.

Hug,
Judith

don't be sorry for writing everything down, I find it helps to see things in black and white. Try and give your therapist a go, it may not be the right one for you but try a few sessions first.
I know it's difficult to not slip up but fighting those urges will just make you stronger. And if a slip up does happen, it's not the end of the world, slips happen in all recoverys.
It is great that you have a best friend to support you however sometimes I find that talking to people you don't know on here helps to get some outside help. Take care and feel free to PM me if you ever need someone.
Sophie.x

I'm really sorry that you had such a bad day and are feeling so down. -bighugs-. I realllly hope the rest of the week goes better for you. Good luck with everything. If you want to talk about it more, feel free to PM me. I'm terrible at advice, but I'll always be here to listen if you need me. -hugs again-. xxxxxx

Hey,

I hope it helped a bit to write all that down. It does sound like you have a lot on your mind these days *hugs*

Well done for finding a therapist at all. I know the procedure, it takes some courage and strength. For how long have you been seeing this therapist? If it hasn't been that long, I'd say give it a try. Or you could ask her if she could refer you? I don't know if much could come of that, but it might be worth a try.

Have you seen a doc about your sleeping problems? Meds are no solution, certainly, but a bit of untroubled sleep could go a long way towards making you feel more stable for the moment, especially with that exam coming up.

Please try not to be too worked up about your studies. Sure, it's important, but your health is more important. When all else fails, you can still repeat courses. Take your time.

It's so annoying when the little things add up. It seems overwhelming, I know, but just tackle one problem at a time. Things will become easier :)

If you want to talk, PM. :)

Thank you so much for your nice and encouraging words and hugs!
It helped me a lot to write it down and to get nice feedback.

Today, I slept till afternoon and surprisingly, I didn´t have a nightmare. Sleeping all day isn´t good for my sleeping rhythmus, so I am afraid that I will be awake next night again...vicious circle.

I got a mail from my best friend and he wrote some very nice things but some things he wrote were not nice at all, so I don´t know what I should think about his mail.

My mother will visit me this evening and she will arrive soon.
I´m glad that she wants to help me with my household and distract me a bit.

But, well, the other problems are still there and I hope that I will find solutions .

Thank you,
Judith

P.S.: Feel free to PM me, too.