inpatient or outpatient
 

*deleted*
nevermind

sorry i deleted the post.
it wasn't anyone's fault but my own.

i don't think i am strong enough deal with the abuse issues.
sorry again.

Hope you're ok, if you feel like you need to talk or that you want to post anything else, please do, xx

my original post was about whether i should go inpatient or outpatient to work on trauma specific therapy? inpatient is too expensive but i would be safe even though it would be really difficult to handle emotionally.

outpatient would give me the therapy but would also give me the opportunity to SH to deal with the discomfort and pain from therapy. i kinda like the idea of being justified in my SH.

i got myself in a state where i just want to SH now so everyone's expectation of me is lowered.

maybe this is not making any sense, i don't know. maybe i am just stupid and this is the dumbest idea i have ever had. thinking i could try to work out the trauma issues i have.

again. so sorry that this makes no sense.

Could you talk to your therapists and see which option they think would be best for you?

Outpatient sounds like it would be beneficial for you if you could use it safely, in that being inpatient can be very traumatising and can involve a lot of very difficult experiences. But it sounds a lot like you're struggling to keep yourself safe at the moment, and maybe you need some help so that you don't feel that need to self-harm.

You're not being stupid at all, it's a very difficult decision for you to have to think about. x

i placed a call to the local sexual assault center and i am really triggered. i saw my therapist today and she is proud of me for taking the steps i am taking but i am scared shiteless.

i don't handle idle time well especially when triggered. :crying:

but i have already seen my therapist twice this week. and what can she do other than make me contract for safety? i am frustrated and scared.