kinda, musings, but out loud.
 

I just like. Want to die.
Well, not really. I don't wnat to do anything.
Like, god im so crap at explainging.

I just want the person i love to be happy. but like, he worries about me too much. so if i remove myself from the equation he'll be fine.
haha, i know that doesnt work.

i cut yesterday for the first time in ages.
heh.
had a docs appt today. try to get some help.
**** that.
and i did that for you.
i'd do anything for you.
even die.

ever. like. wondered what would have happened if you'd never found this site? i'd probably be happy. a waste of bandwith would be gone. i wouldnt have let my cutting get to teh stage it did.

and yet i cant leave.
lurk and post rants.
thats about all i can do
im sorry.

Hey Chels,
We love you, it sounds like he loves you.
Our brains trick us into thinking that we can solve people's problems by removing ourselves. Its simply not true. You're important to us. If you were to go, it would be sooo much more painful. So much worse than worry.
Hope youre Ok my dear.. PM me if you need someone to talk to, or rant to.
Take care,
Miriam xxxxxxx

i hope the appt went well
you deserve help and all you have to do is ask
dying for him would be complete crap though
i sort of doubt he would be happy about it and you are way too important and well-liked and you would be missed too much so sorry but that isnt an option
what you might try instead, and what i bet he would prefer, is if you talk to him, or somebody, and start to get better
you deserve that
xxxooo