Hello
 

Hi i´m new to this but am gonna give it a go

I´m a 20 year old femal who was SI free for 4 years but 4 months ago my 4 year old sister died very suddenly. So i left the country. My partner came with me and she is really supportive but she is finally smiling and although she knows about my past i can´t share this with her cause its mine and its sick. How can i do this to myself when my little girlie had no choice but to go. I no it is wrong and im not the person i used to be i just have to do it it is the one thing that gets me out of bed and the only thing i think about.

I´m not sure why i am writing all of this because i wouldn´t tell this to a stranger on the street but right now anything is worth a shot. So HI

Hi darling,

I'm very sorry about the loss of your sister.

I don't quite know what to say or what may help you tbh. It's understandable that it's going to take you a long time to get over the sudden loss of your sister, and it's okay to still be greiving after 4 months, so don't look at how those around you are coping and feel you shouldn't be greiving anymore.

Do you actually want to stop cutting right now? or is it just that you feel you shouldn't be?

It's understandable that you would go back to it as a way to help you cope, but i'm concerned about the level of you're s/i, you say you can't get up in the morning without it.

Have you seen a dr or anything?

I would encourage you to talk to your partener, even if you don't want to tell her about the s/i, talk to her about how you're still struggling to cope and greiving.

Take care of yourself,
Ruth
x

hello hello,

I'm very sorry about the sudden loss of your sister. I think it's perfectly normal to still grieve 4 months later (I've been slowly grieving my dad's death for almost 14 years)

First, I want to say four years is amazing and you should be proud for ever getting that far, regardless of any relapses. I am worried about you saying you can't get up without it though. Are you getting any help whatsoever? Someone to talk to and a doctor would be a great help to you I believe.

I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. Feel free to PM or email =)

Im sorry about the death of your sister. I cant imagine how painful that must be.

I hope that by joining the site and perhaps reading posts and sticking around for a while that you will see sh in a different light and perhaps not be so harsh on yourself regarding it. No its not the best way to cope but its not nessessarily "sick". I think perhaps when you can be a little more accepting of your coping mechanism, you can perhaps grieve for your sister without loathing yourself.

Be gentle with yourself. you deserve to be cared for too and deserve to be heard!

Matthew

My heart goes out to you about your sister. Any loss is difficult but losing someone young suddenly ranks high up there.

Congratulations on your previous 4 years.

You said you had moved. Do you have a support system where you moved to? Or a grief or even a regular counselor? It seems like you have a lot on your plate and it is only natural that you would go back to the coping mechanism that worked best previously.

Try to use the supports that you have around you and build up the support system by supplementing with online (ryl), diaries, a counselor etc.

You have a lot going on and deserve help getting through it.

Take care