I Want To Say a Big Penguin Thank You! + Update you
 

Hello,

In May-June i made a post that chronicled a rather dreadful period for me. That period culminated in me doing things i thought i wouldnt actually do and thinking things i didnt think id actually think. The result of that period was an all time low, followed by scaring myself to death and then followed by a real desire to never ever go back to that place again.

I deleted the post from the forum. I did keep a copy of it for my own records though. I re-read the entire thread again today and that is what has prompted me to write this.

I want to thank everyone who read and replied. I want ot thank all those that wrote all the nice things and to those that gave such sound advice and imparted their own wisdom. At the time it was hard to appreciate and accept. It was almost impossible to take in. However on a more subconcious level IT DID sink in and IT DID help A LOT!

Today i can take in your words and i can hear what you say. Today i am in a good place. I am going to get through this and i am going to survive. I am accepting that i do have an illness and i am accepting that it will take time. Of course id like it to be faster but i guess i will learn to accept.

On tuesday i saw the Psych team again for a follow-up assessment. Thankfully i did not see the horrible psych i saw two weeks ago. I saw the head guy. (pardon the punn). He was lovely. He was understanding. He also took time out to read my file and read the letter my therapist had written. I listened to his words and i took them all in. He is pleased with my progress. He talked about set backs and problems along the way. We agreed i am in a much better place than i ever was before, aside fromn the recent "incident".

Tomorrow i go to Occ Therapy and i will try to decide what sort of work placement i will go on. I will try to see it as a further part of my rehabilitation and therapy. I am aware i will be scared. I am aware i will probably panic, but i will try my hardest to come up with something and accept what is proposed. I really will try!

A few weeks ago one of the girls at work told me that another girl (who is off long term sick) had offered to go dog walking with me over the parks as a kinda therapy for us both. I declined at the time. However today i gave her my number. Hopefully next week we will start to meet up at least once a week and walk and chat and just get out. I have decided to not try to get my Father to help. Its simply not going to happen. So im taking a risk and im gonna give this a go!

SO once again i would like to say a huge thank you to all who helped me recently and posted and to those that just read and left a hug. I really do appreciate it. The kindness shown by those, who themselves are struggling, is sometimes overwhelming. Its quite amazing and you are amazing too!

My deepest and most heartfelt love and hugs to you all.

Thank you so so much

Matthew xxxx

p.s. Im sorry i deleted. I know i shouldnt. Sometimes i cant stop myself. When i do it is only to punish myself, It is NEVER EVER because of the replies i get.

*grins*

lovely to hear things are more positive for you.

xxx

You can do it, I've always known you would eventually get to where you want to be.
We all stumble (some harder than others). BUT SEEING WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH AND ENDURED, YOU ARE A STRONGER PERSON THAN YOU THINK.
Keep on swimming, swimming, swimming.......

I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling so much better!

And thank you for posting this, to help us remember that things DO get better, even when we're convinced that it never will (if that makes sense).

Congrats on all of your accomplishments. :)

what wonderful news!! i have thought a lot about you and how you were doing. i am so happy that you have reached the other side of that dark tunnel.

hugs.
quiet1

*squishes*

Matthew, you're awesome.

Thank you! ^^

Yesterday i made a list of likes and dislikes regarding work. I did a few personality type tests too and got ideas for work based upon those. One of the tests i did was quite indepth and i was almost late for my apt because it was so accurate i couldnt stop reading it.

I took all the info to her. I was open and receptive and i told her im scared but im putting my faith in her. Shes already put me forward for a job >.< Eeep! I dont know what it is or entails really but the council are looking for people with experience of MH issues to help out with a project for their staff. They contacted the MHT for candidates and ive been put forward. Like i say i havent a clue what it envolves and it could be no good for me or it could be just right but im gonna try and be open and see what happens.

I feel like anothe layer of the onion has been removed and yet again i can see a little clearer. Its enlightening and yet scary at the same time. enlightening because litteraly a little more light is cast on the world around me and scary because it has given me further insight into just how ill i have been.

Thank you again for taking the time to read.

Linda you pop up like a fairy God Mother. Albeit you'd have to be a Fairy Older Sister :P thank you :)) Are you enjoying being a grandma? hehe how cute ^^

So lovely to see a positibe post from you :)

I am always here, just pop-up to respond when things really matter to me. You really matter to me and I can't wish the best for you enough.

( I love my grandson, just too far away right now)

I take that as a HUGE compliment! thank you. I love you muchos! I care about you too and i have so much respect and admiration for you its just too hard to put into words. however if i were to liken the respect andadmiration to a pair of boobs then MY GOD id be in heaven!!! You're a very wonderful and special person Linda! I hope one day i get to give you a real squish!

*smiles*
*big squishes*

YEY Matthew!!! :D It always makes me happy to see posts like this... I remember that post and remember wondering what would help you the most (can't recall if I posted or not)... but anyway, I am SO GLAD that you are working on getting better, to a better place, and taking steps that require courage. I admire you for that - well done!! :D

I sit here in awe reading the posts you have made the past few days. I hope you stay encouraged! I am elated for you to find new feelings and inner strengths.

*cuddles*
Rain

Thank you. Im off dog walking soon with my friend from work.

^^
That makes me so happy to hear :)

Thank you. I went and saw her. Was really nice. Sadly i couldnt stop long as the dog needed the vet which i had forgotten about. Was good to get out even tho it was short and we got rained on. Was good to have a chat too. shes away for a couple of weeks now which is sad but we talked about going rambling lol.

If i buy a pac-a-mac please shoot me!