Whoop! Or not.
 

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and not been out of hospital long.
It feels like a life sentence.
I just want to scream, 'I DON'T WANT THIS!' over and over again, but nobody would listen or understand how much of an impact this has had - and will have - on my life.

I resent this so incredibly much.

do you agree with the diagnosis
the good thing about being diagnosed is now you can have the correct treatment without having to use trial and error to see what works for you

All the diagnosis does, is acknowledge that there is something wrong, you would still have the illness whether or not you were ever diagnosed.

Now that you know what it is, you can fix it much easier. Bipolar disorder is easily manageable, many many people live successful and happy lives who have it.

I'm sorry. I don't think you guys understand either. Just how much this has changed things, for both me and my family. Being in hospital too. I'm so ****ing scared about my future. I know I'm still me but this has changed everything.
I shouldn't have posted.

Hey, I might not be able to completely understand your situation, but I can try. My father and older sister have lived with Bipolar disorder, matter of fact, my sister is just a year older than you. She's been hospitalized, I've seen her manic, I know what it's like from a family perspective. It ain't no picnic, but it's not the end.

What makes you think this has changed everything? What do you mean by that?

How has it changed things for you? Why are you so scared?

It's nice to see you around again by the way, though I'm very sorry you're not doing well and things are so difficult.

Love. xx

Thanks both of you.

Miranda, I'm scared because I have been incredibly ill, more ill than I believed possible, and I know it's going to happen again. That's not a self-fulfilling prophecy: it's the way it goes. And I know that if it happens again I cannot face hospital and I cannot face life, and I will kill myself. That is a fact.

I can no longer imagine myself being able to cope with a normal lifestyle. A vet? Laughable. I'd be struck off. I have been getting worse and worse over the years and it's now reached a point where, although I still have some periods of relative normality, I am seriously unwell. I cannot face my life like this.

I feel desperately sad for my family.

Comditions can be manged and now you know your health team know how to help. Medication can help you greatly and to manage your moods but as someone said people can live happy lifes.

Once the right treatment if found, you can live happily.

Yeah treatment is another issue. All three of the licensed drugs used to treat bipolar disorder have massive side-effects (things like knackering your kidneys, they can make you unable to have children, weight gain etc).
I want to manage this without medication but I'm not sure if I'm able to.

I am not sure it is fair to assume no one understands the impact your condition has on your life.

There are many people on RYL who have or have had diagnosis which have affected them, whether Bi-polar or other DXs. The important thing is what you do with it. As others have said, yes it is a huge thing to take in and accept, and there is nothing wrong with the 'I don't want this' reaction. Frankly, for something which is a lifelong condition - That is pretty normal and I would be shocked if you had reacted differently.

You can look now at what your treatment options are. Research, investigate, look around on RYL and ask your care team what you can do to manage your condition so that you can try to limit some of the worst symptoms and perhaps in doing so, reduce the need for hospital admissions. This is possible. There are people out there with Bi-polar who have minimal hospital admissions and carry on a working life.

Yes, it is huge and it is scary and confusing and unwieldly, that does not mean it can not be controlled, treated and understood by yourself, your care team and other people.

Be gentle with yourself, dont be afraid to ask questions and consider all of your options.

Roiben x

^ I agree with that, most of us have had to go through this so it is unfair to say no one understands. From your shoes we dont understand but we have all had to go through it.

You might be able to go alone with out medication or you might not, its something you need to discuss. Im not a fan of medication but im likly to be on it for the rest of my life and if it helps then i have to put the side effects to one side and concentrate on getting better.

There are also other medications out there, not just the three main ones, im on mood stabilizer for bipolar yet i dont have bi polar and as far as im aware its not one of the main ones. You have to look into medications and it might take time but you can find the right ones with lesser side effects.

I'm not saying that no-one understands, but my circumstances are unlikely to be the same as anybody else's, as no two people are the same. Sorry I said that though. I was upset.

You're right. I'll find a way to deal with this.

The worst thing you can do is focus on the negativity, things will be sorted and you can learn to live with it and control it ;)