triggering ED and SI
 

I just thought i was ok cause hadn't thrown up in over a week and been eating and exercising for me moderatly but just messed up.
Knew it was gunna happen too. every time when i'm by myself at home for too long i do it so i try not to be and get tired and really wanna go home and crash. Why do i still do it if i know i'm going to, its stupid. Only thing could do to stop it would be exercise but so tired and need to rest really. Dont wanna be doing this but don't know what to do. :o(
I know i'm going to do this in this situation and i know that if something bad happens i can't deal with i hurt myself but even though i know it i can't stop it.
Any advice what i can do greatly appreciated. Spoken to dr and waiting to talk to someone but taking a while n don't really have a real problem just a little bit.

You sound like you feel caught in a 'catch-22' situation. I'm sure may of us can identify with that feeling. It's good that you can see that your behaviour is triggered when something you percieve to be bad happens. I'm afraid i don't have much advice at the moment but maybe next time somethin bad happens you could talk to someone instead of resorting to any negative behaviours. Or write down the bad thig that has happened and write why it is bad, what is the worst thing that can happen, what is the least bad outcome of the situation etc to allow you to try ad rationalise the situation and perhaps you might lessen your anxiety around it and be less likely to make yourself sick or whatever.

Sorry i don't have much advice. Hope you are ok :)