Not really sure what I can do
 

Okay. I'm in a bit of a tricky situation. I've done a lot of research on this, and I'm not trying to self-diagnose... I'm just saying what I've found through what I've read.

I think I may have bipolar disorder. Most of the symptoms match what I've been going through, plus I have a first-degree relative (father) who also has bipolar disorder. I cannot talk to him about it because I have not had contact with him for most of my life. I've done every questionairre and diagnostic tool I could find, and they all point in this direction. As well, some of the people around me have suggested that I may have it (based on their knowledge). However, these people are all far away from me in a physical sense. I won't say concretely that I HAVE the disorder until I get a formal diagnosis.

Therein lies the problem. There is ONE psychiatrist in my area, and to get in to see this person could take months. I move in a few months. I also want to maintain my privacy. I don't want my mother to know right away because I don't want her to have to worry even more (she can be quite anxietal). If I tell her, she will not let me be independent EVER. Knowing the person she is... she wants me near to her at all times. She doesn't want me to move far away even if there is a job that I love that I want to take that is hours away from her. It's been just her and I for 18 years, and I'd feel terribly guilty leaving her, as well as she would make me (on purpose or not purposely) feel guilty for doing so. This is why I don't want to tell her or ask her to help me get help.

At the same time, I'm dealing with thoughts of suicide.

My mood changes so often... I wish I was just depressed so that I would know what to expect every day. I don't know what I'm going to be at all. I can be extremely happy one minute and suicidal the next. It's a roller coaster in the dark. Can't see the twists and turns.

I'm trying to hold on until I get back to college. I was seeing a psychologist there (though she's not really helping as she's not comprehending that I'm more than just sad). And I'm hoping to see a psychiatrist when I'm back. I hope I can do it without my mother realizing... so I can tell her later... when I'm ready and under control enough for her to see that I can do things on my own.

Anyways... I guess my question is... what do I do to combat/ignore/etc etc these thoughts until I can get the help that I really need?

From my experience, bipolar mood shifts do not occur that rapidly.
Please try to stay away from online diagnostic tools and other peoples' opinions - as you know, they are no substitute for a professional opinion, but you already know that, which is good..
It's good that you are not officially saying you have the diagnosis. I hope you can find a way to see a psychiatrist soon.

Try to keep a mood log and triggers of the mood swings so you can identify what "sets you off" in a sense.

I've been trying to do that, though I sometimes have a hard time identifying triggers. Any suggestions?

Well, say you notice a major mood shift. Think of what you were just thinking/doing before that, and write it down. It may not seem to make any sense at first, but sometimes a pattern can emerge. So like, working backwards.

really you have to see you gp wether you like it or not, its the only way you are going to get help. Many disorders overlap so you may not have what you think you do, you have to see your gp.

I agree with trying to see a Dr sooner rather than later as you may get to see him sooner rather than later.

If you decide to wait till your at college doing a mood diary can be helpful even if you can't always identify the triggers. It will show you if there is a pattern and you can also show it to your Dr in due course.