Dark night, dark thoughts
 

Night shift is good for a lot of things. Missing 90% of traffic, sleeping during the worst heat of the day, getting errands run before the world gets up.

Tonight is my fourth straight night on, and it's my fourth night alone. Normally, we're only supposed to have two nights solo; the other three we have our shift partner ( two people to a shift ). All five nights I've been alone. And it's starting to get to me.

For security reasons, the Dispatch center where I work is isolated from the rest of the complex, so the officers rarely get to stop by. By this time of night, everyone is gone. It's just me, and that gives me time to think, which I fon't need. My thoughts always tend to go dark this time of night, and there's not a whole lot I can do to stop them. Too many distractions and I'm likely to get in trouble or worse, lose my job.

Gah, I just don't know how I'm going to get through tonight. Time feels like it's crawling and the idea that "I'm all alone, so if I wanted to SI I wouldn't be caught" just keeps coming back to me. Dammit, I hate this. I'm 25 years old. I should be over this by now.