lonely *very long rant sorry*
 

I spent most of the day driving around with an old friend because it was fricking roasting, could not handle sitting in the house. I dropped her home and went home myself, having had a good day was still sad. I realised why.

Basically my friends are all off living life so i no longer have a group of friends, just singular friends left from different groups. My best friend, known her over half my life, I realised that her and her friends, (used to be really close to them too, long story) im not in that group, and feel left out. i go out at weekends with them but they have all the going to movies, driving round, getting take out kinda fun and I dont get invited and, cant think why.
I recently found a substitute to my cutting which basically i have casual sex with the same 2 people. For all my whoring around and the attention they give me when we're in public, and the fact they are pretty darn hot (musicians) I realised something tonight when i was sitting on my bed cryng about being left out.
I was alone.
I had no one to tell. I had no one I knew would care enough to make me feel better. Unlike the girls I dont have a guy that would drop everything because I was upset and come over just to give me a hug. and now I feel extra left out and so alone.

Sorry, just wanted to get it outa my system, as I said, im by myself