"tell me I'm not a crap person" ... please?
 

Sorry.
Bad insecure moment and huge feelings of rejection.

Last week one of my flatmates asked me if I'd be willing to babysit their son at times over the summer. They'd pay me.
Sure. Wonderful. And you don't have to pay me.

... and I feel privileged and chuffed and pleased that I am seen as trustworthy. Plus of course, anything that increases my income even by a tiny bit is much needed. [this public sector worker is SO not highly paid.]

But you know what?
The other flatmate is planning getting a professional babysitter or nanny. She's pretty clear on it.

Bummer.
And they've not told me.

I feel so let down.

Over-reaction?
Maybe.
But I feel let down. Not trusted.

Maybe they figured my schedule wouldn't work. Well, ok. But why not TELL me? I just see paper with babysitters phone numbers around. And over hear conversations.

Maybe I didn't seem interested, enthusiastic enough. Maybe they had second thoughts.

Maybe they've decided I'm not trustworthy after all.
Maybe they think I'm too unstable.

Damn it. I am GOOD with their kid. I like him and he likes me, and he behaves around me. I'm a trained experienced teacher, albeit out of the profession for some years. I am well versed in the complexities of child development, working hard on figuring out how my own childhood experiences manifest in my present mind in that echoes-of-the-past chamber.

Am I valid in feeling let down, disappointed, angry, hurt?

Am I trustworthy?

aww hun i'm sorry. *offers hugs*
maybe they didn't tell you because the two of them are trying to work it out. maybe one still wants you to babysit and the other doesn't (be it for scheduling or not) and they're still discussing it? maybe they're just setting up a back up plan in case one of the times they need you, you have to work or have an appointment?
what would it hurt to ask? if it's just a back up plan then you'd feel better knowing that and if they aren't going to have you babysit i think that is also something you need to know.
i would probably feel the same way about it as you do but being an outsider on it now i can see other possible reasons for what's going on. but i think you are in fact trustworthy and capable and kind.

Thank you for your support...

I don't feel ... worthy enough to ask them.
Huh.

I think you should just ask them if they are still okay for you to babysit or do they have other plans. That way they can tell you themselves their reasoning behind maybe wanting a babysitter. Remember it could just be a backup plan in case you wanted to back out.
And yes, you are trustworthy.

I believe that you're trustworthy. And worthy of respect, support, happiness, and all sorts of lovely things like that.

Sorry it's not more... *offers hugs to Katie*

I think you already know you are trustworthy. You have listed reasons why you are trustworthy in your post. Plus you already said you were pleased at being seen as trustworthy by your flatmate.

What I don't really understand is how you know the other flatmate is 'pretty clear' that they'll get a babysitter when all you've seen are phone numbers and overheard conversation.

I think you are assuming a lot.

I was thinking about some cognative distortions I've read about somewhere. I don't know if you could see how these may apply? (sorry just copied and pasted them - hope that is allowed in the forum rules, i can't remember!)

1. Disqualifying the positive – Continually reemphasizing or "shooting down" positive experiences for arbitrary, ad hoc reasons.
2. Jumping to conclusions – Drawing conclusions (usually negative) from little (if any) evidence. Two specific subtypes are also identified:
3. Mind reading – Assuming special knowledge of the intentions or thoughts of others.
4. Fortune telling – Exaggerating how things will turn out before they happen.
5. Emotional reasoning – Making decisions and arguments based on intuitions or personal feeling rather than an objective rationale and evidence.
6. Personalization – Attributionof personal responsibility for events over which the patient has no control.

I'm sorry to hear you feel let down that is a painful feeling. I think that everyone is allowed to feel how they feel as no feelings are wrong. But I would think about your feelings in relation to this situation and whether they may have been emphasised by some of the cognative distortions listed above, as maybe it might help you understand it further?

Thanks.

Uh, CB, I heard her say that she was going to email this babysitter. I also heard them both sort out hours when they needed her.

I dont think this is anything to do with "you", its simply about choice A choice they have decided to make. Opening up their options. DO they ask Katie and perhaps become reliant or call in somoen else from and agency where there is no relationship other than a purely business one.

If they are planning on getting a nanny then this sounds more than just the odd night every now and then. If its a more regular thing the whole relationship with you all could be strained. What if you had a falling out? What if they thought something you did with their kid wasnt to their liking? What if you found things they do not to your liking? It could affect they whole relationship you have with them.

To a professional they can just call up and ask for a replacemtn. Have a shout down the phone and thats it. With a flatmate they have to see you each day. Its a totally different dynamic to the whole thing.


ID feel chuffed you were asked or thought of. Its a huge responsibility. Id also be aware of modern parental insecurity. I dont think the world has ever known a more paranoid generation when it comes to kids. terrified to let them do anything. They will have talked about the worst case scenarios. ONe will have convinced the other a professional can deal with anything.

Thanks Matt - wise words that make a lot of sense. :)

I'll reply properly tomorrow.

I'd have thought that if you are looking after one flatmate's child then the other felt they couldn't ask.

I live with a married couple and their one child, that's the situation. :)