I hate myself for posting this.
 

I have crashed more so than any other time I can remember. Thoughts of suicide, self harm, leaving the house at 3am to wander the streets. I hate that I haven't cut myself. I hate that I haven't been there for the people that need me but I just can't right now. I hate that I have months and months of pills left that I "didn't get round to throwing away" and now all I can think about is taking them all and offing myself. I hate that I can't even cry. I hate that all the people I love have left me. I hate that I'm not worth jack ****. I hate that I let myself get hurt at work on purpose. And that I'm getting all this sympathy for the scratches and bruises when I wanted it more than anything. I hate that I don't deserve replies and I'm just a ****.

*Cuddles you tight*

Sorry, I don't have much to offer you, but I love you heaps. Do you know what might have triggered the crash? Are you still seeing a Dr/psych/do you have anyone you can tell about it?

You really need to try and get rid of the meds and tell someone who can keep an eye on you for a bit. It sucks, but if someone is there to keep you safe, it takes some of the pressure off yourself.

You can get through this, Chels, you've done it before and you can do it now. You're strong and amazing and just wonderful and don't deserve this. Keep fighting...you CAN do this. <33

You are worth so, so much. You really are and I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Amy has some good advice and questions; particularly do you know what triggered this? Despite what you said about work I am very proud of you for not cutting yourself and for posting for help. What is your support structure like in real life at the moment?

Please get rid of the pills or remove them so that you are not tempted. I know you're hurting right now but remember this feeling isn't permanent but us losing you is, and you losing every chance at getting better is.

I love you very, very, very much.

You don't need to hate yourself for not being there for people, it's clear you're struggling right now and the people in your life should understand that, and also want to be there to help you through this. You're so valued and loved by your friends Chels (a special spark about you!) so don't forget to let those people in who care about you how bad things are, or at least in a little bit that you need cheering up.

Before this crash, how had things been for you? From what I had heard and judging by I haven't seen you around I had been assuming they had been going okay, what do you think happened or changed? Remember that happiness is possible and you do deserve it, so please don't give up on reaching out and getting support because you can get through this.

Keep talking. We're here for you.
xxx

Stress from work. Stress from your landlords family. Stress from your holiday. Stress from your friend. .......and then whatever else i dont know.

You invest 99% of yourself in others and 1% in you. Its not suprising you are gonna crash.

I tell you off cus i anticipate this kinda **** happening. (dont look at me like that).

Its great you took yourself off meds but substituting it for 3000000 hours of work per week isnt the right way to go. Eventually its all gonna catch up again.

you need some talking therapy. you keep putting it off.

Waiting for the insurance company to find you free treatment.

Your parents are rich FFS! I pay for my therapy from my Incapacity benefit. why the **** cant your RICH parent pay for you to finally get well? Jesus ****ing christ this pisses me off so much i could throttle your father.

You're a flid. totally.

Go get help. NOW!

xxx

Nothing I can really add...matt said it all.
Pls try to get help.
xxx

When did you come off your medication? I wonder if this has something to do with it, even if maybe it took a while to get it all out of your system and for the general **** to build up, etc.

How are you doing?
Love xx

please hang in there. i know how you feel, i really do. but the thing is, there IS another day ahead tomorrow. you are special and loved.