cutting before dr visit
 

so if i make a cut before an already scheduled dr visit (for another reason) that would be safer than doing so afterwards, right?

yes, damage will occur. PRO-possibly needing a drs care.

PRO- it would save me a trip.

CON- she might help me through it.

PRO- she might help me through it.

More pros to do it than not too, right?

Just working it out up there.

gotta get ready for my appt.

decisions are hard today.

I don't want this to sound as cold as it probably will so I'm sorry. If you can make that choice of before or after (and obviously no one here is going to encourage you to do either) then you seem to have some level of control over cutting. Can you use that control to try to put it off for longer, to try not to do it at all? Obviously I have no idea what state you're in or why you feel like you need to cut but being able to choose whether or not to do it at a particular time suggests to me that you have the strength to choose not to do it more than just once and that's the way recovery starts. You can ask the Dr for help whether you've just cut or not.

How are you doing now after the doctors visit?

i didnt cut.

i have done so good.. i would have a hard time explaining it...

i talked to her a bit... she knows i am going down again. wants me to see the psych. cant get in for another 3 weeks. hoping i could sleep away this suicide.

dont know why i am down. yes, i have control when to cut. i have 2 hours home alone..but then again...hwo to explain???

just need some lovin...but no one around.

blah blah blah blah.
sorry.
rain

hugs for you x

:hugs:

i get the blades out everyday. they play with me. they play with my mind. i know i have the choice. it has always been there for me. i know my time schedule on cutting. i have never been an impulse girl.. i know usually time ahead that i am going to do it. i have control. just not control on the damage.


the longer i wait now the worse i will be..

i have been talking to my therapist. i am just in a bad state. I want everything to be ok. I want to try to psych myself out of this, but it looks like new scars are in my future.

*really mad bad rain*

I hope your holding on there rain!

Was thinking about you yesterday when I took a walk in the rain.. (But anyway)...

I know what you mean about the control and the damage, I know how the torment you play with your mind every day with the blade, looking at them & what they can do. I know this mind state all too well.

I also know that there is an upside, the positive side, the side that can and will fight. Its a case of control you have the control to be able to get through this bad negative time and get back into that positive mind state.

You are better than this Rain! You are awesome!
Believe in your strength - You are powerful.
You Do have the choice - You can win this battle!