Is this right? What do I do?
 

I have been in hospital twice, both times for being suicidal but it hasn't really stopped the feelings, just kept me safe. Of course, I didn't expect it to 'cure' me but it seems that my psychiatrist did. Because it didn't really help I am now not allowed to ever go back into hospital. Just over a week ago I was so close to suicide but they wouldn't admit me, I was just told to go home. Surely it is enough to be kept safe and alive, even if it doesn't help me in the long term. Well, it does helo me in the long term because it keeps me alive. I admit that while I was in hospital I did still try to kill myself but there is only so much that you can do in hospital.

What can I do? I'm so scared that the next time I come close to suicide that will be it. Each time I get very suicidal I come closer and closer to actually doing it. I suppose I could get an advocate but i'm scared to phone them and they don't reply to emails. I'm getting a new psychiatrist soon anyway because my current one is retiring so maybe that will change things, although it is also partly the psychiatric assessment team's decision not to admit me.

Maybe ask what you should do instead when you are in crisis? They may provide you with a crisis team to support you instead.

I have spoken to the crisis team before and they just tell me to watch TV.

I know some wards have rules about doing 'harmful' things in them and your attempts may come under this.

I guess if in the future you really needed it then they would admit you but Linds you got yourself out of the crisis so in a way not admitting you wasn't a bad decision.

I wonder if asking your support team to help you in developing a 'safe place inside' to go to might help.