I Need Advice Please...
 

ok...long story short...

my sister had a huge fight after the huge fight i had with my aunt. the are "best buddies".

i decided not to go her wedding shower or her wedding simply for self preservation.

she called me 2 days crying ans sobbing asking me to please come to her shower and wedding. i took a deep breath, then i begin to express my thoughts and feeling in a very calm way. but the minute my sister hears somethingshe doesnt agree with she hangs up.

the worst part...the last she said to me before she hung up on me was "my sister died years ago".

why would she call me upset and never even give me a chance to answer her question? and then to say something so hurtful.

she is so very wrong. ive grown so much and gotten alot better from where i used to be.

ive stood up for my sister no matter what because we are SISTERS. she has never done the same thing. she even goes to levels of crisizing my clothing. im so tired of her calling me whenever she needs something instead to just talk.

we were so close as children and i never ever imagined this would be happening.

ok...question is...
do i go to her wedding? just the thought of going stings like a bee.
i do feel very guilty about not going to the shower.

ive thought of suidice for days now. but i wont do it. i feel torn and tortured and dont know what the right decision is.

please help....

heya *hugs*

I know how hard it is to have such a difficult and complicated relationship with family. I still feel panicky and sick when I see my Mum is calling (which is very rare). It's weird because part of me really wants a close relationship with her and my family but the other part just feels hurt and a little scared.

The point of my little self centred paragraph is that I know how you feel (to an extent anyway). I can't tell you what to do or what is the right thing to do. All I would say is that relationships can be rebuilt. Your sister may be upset with you now and I totally understand why you might feel like you should go to the wedding but is it really worth causing yourself more pain than is necessary? Your sister will forgive you but maybe for now you are just not in a place where putting yourself under that much emotional stress is helpful? Its a hard concept but maybe you have to put yourself first for once.

Maybe you could send her a letter and a nice gift explaining your reasons and telling her how much you do care for her and that you not attending the shower and/or wedding is not because you don't love and care about her but you just can't manage it at the moment. Tell her how you've grown and come so far from how you used to be etc.

Try not to worry about the last thing she said on the phone, people say awful things in the heat of the moment and when they are upset. She won't have meant it. For one thing, if thats true then why call you up so upset because you missed her wedding shower?

I hope you make the right decision, sorry for rambling so much but please please take care of yourself,

Emma xxx

A lot of what Emma has written is what I would have said :)

Relationships CAN be re-built. I didn't speak to my eldest sister for over four months for various reasons & made the first move. Although her argument was with other people more than me. Eventually she sorted things out with everyone else too. It was a very complicated situation, but it proved to me that relationships can be built, despite the damage done..

if you go grin and bear it, if you don't you have the opportunity to regret it later.

go and if its too bad, leave - at least you will have showed your face.

maybe write a letter to your sister, a long one, where she can't hang up or forget what you've said.
mand x

thanks guys....

im going to speak to my therapist next week about it. i hate this feeling.

I agree in part with Emma and in part with Mandi. If you don't go you may regret it later. If you either don't go or go and leave early I would write a letter and send a gift as Emma said.

for those not on fb, rachel has had a fall and broken her arm/wrist quite badly, needs surgery but the circulation to her wrist isn't ideal at the mo and they're talking about options to repair this too.

so if rach isn't on it probably coz its too frustrating typing one handed. mand x

Thanks for the update Mand, she is not on my facebook but could you pass on some hugs and good wishes for her if/when you speak to her next? x

yeah will do. if you add me on fb then i can suggest a friendship. my fb is mandimoo87
mand x