I need.......NOTHING NOW
 

Help please.........
I dont know whats wrong
I cant stop crying
I ache with hurt deep inside
I have noone to help me anymore
I now know noone can ever help me
All I do is wait for my day to pass purely so I can go to bed
Its no life is it?
I dont have a life anymore
Got to go, tears again

Im just so selfish
Im in such a mess
I feel I have no hope for anything better
Theres just no point anymore in anything

This is why I hide away
Im like this all the time
Whats the point in sharing my daily crap with friends here
Theres nothing anyone can do, so I hide when Im hurting

I hurt and noone can take that away
I have fears and noone can take them away
I have problems and noone can help me to solve them
I have a past and noone can help me deal with it
I have guilt and noone can take that away
.......hah!! And I always thought I had nothing

I consider myself oh so bloody lucky!!

i think you need to look for 'foolproof' help, something that in the beginning doesnt challenge you to not cut, i sense that being given an ultimatum like that makes you want to cut more. maybe find somewhere that can baby you almost, do a lot of thigns for you, i believe deep within, healing must come. maybe you can't control your cutting, maybe this is stopping you from healing.

i wish i knew someway to make you better. mand x

I have spoken words I shouldnt have
I have taken actions that I shouldnt have
I have done things that I shouldnt have

I wonder what it would be like just switch off the head, the mind for just a while.

A moments peace.

i love you rowie bird.
i just dont know what to say.
im here for you always.
xx

Noone here understands me either
Please......thats not meant as a criticism.
Its just how it is and I accept that.

I just know that my life is as it is right now.
Nothing will change it now.
Noone can help me to get out of it.

I need help that noone can give.
I know what that means for me now.
Living like this in sheer hell.
Or.......the other option.

I just want to shut it out for a period of time.
Just lose my mind, to feel a nothingness
Not suicide
Just to disappear from her for a while
Thats all.......

It really doesnt matter anymore
I know something is going to happen
It really doesnt matter.......................

It will be tonight
It will be a phonecall to the docs in the morning
It will be a threat from doc of ambulance or husband
It will be a long wait in hospital
It will be the discussion of whether i need to be assessed or not
I will say no, but it will happen anyway
Will I be hospitalised?
Dont care really

Nothing really matters anymore

How do I know all of this?
Because its been said to me.........
Something that noone understands and never will so it seems

Can I stop it?
No

But it doesnt matter anymore does it?
I have a mixed bad of goodies saved for times like this when I can be that good little girl for once and do as Im told!! I can share.....one for me and one for her....sharing is good. I am a good little girl, doing as im told!!
See.....I can be good. I can be accepted. I can be praised. I can be obedient.....I am being good



**** off Rowie

Your right, nobod can take that away hun, if we could, we wold be rich form saving the world. What we can do though, is listen sometimes offer advice, give you somewhere to vent.

You ask what the point in sharing is. The point in sharing goes with the saying;

Rowie, in your heart I know you are a good person, and you know this too. You are wrong to believe that no one understands, unfortunately I understand. I find it comforting to know that there is someone else on this earth who understands exactly how I feel. Take care rowie, a lot of people care about you.