Contradictions and Your Self-Injury
 

BTW i got this from another website and i do not want to take credit for this idea. i liked the concept of the thread and wanted to read the comments of people on here.

what about you makes it weird that you hurt yourself? Why would a person go, "woah, you do that?"
E.G.... most people wouldn't expect it from a happy person that dresses in bright colors (as opposed to the "emo" stereotype).

For me
-i'm a christian; who grew up in the church
-i've never had any really tragic happen to me or my family
-i'm the overachiever
-The people pleaser
-Happy go lucky
-The child that can do no wrong
-just perfect

Also a contradicton to my SI
is that i hate pain...if i didn't cause it.
like i've been going through a bunch of health crap, so i've had to get a lot of blood drawn. The nurse put the needle in (btw i'm terrified of needles) what she thought was a vein and it turn out it wasn't. she put me in so much pain to the point i was in tears.

- I've always been tough on the outside. I can't remember the last time somebody other than my immediate family has seen be cry
- I'm the oldest in the family, and always seen as the "level headed" one
- I take on about 10x as much responsibility as anyone else
- I've never been abused in any way
- I always managed to fake a smile
- I don't show my anxiety

Pretty much everything about me. My parents were 100% shocked when they found out I was in counseling, let alone the SI part...

Contradictions
Uhmm... I don't think I really have any. I don't mind pain. I like blood. =/

-I'm a straight A student.
-Was voted most likely to success two years in a row.
-I am highly involved in band, jazz band, theatre, singing group, psychology club, academic events, etc. And I win many awards.
-I'm friends with everybody.
-I have a great family, and great friends, and live in a good home.
-I've never had any abuse problems.


However,
-I have a lot of anxiety. Especially when performing.
-I'm always stressed and feel like I'm under pressure.
-I love control, and self injury makes me feel like I have some.


But really there's no "type" of person who self injures. There will be a lot of different people who suffer.

- I'm a christian went to church all my life and my parents sent me to a christian school
- I'm a people pleaser and I always put others before myself
- I do an incredible job of looking put together and strong on the outside, I've even convinced a lot of therapists and psychiatrists that I'm fine when I've been suicidal
-I was never physically or sexually abused thankfully
- I volunteer and get good grades


But....
- I know I'm not good enough
- I'm actually incredibly weak
- I'm overcome by anxiety a large portion of the time
- I'm a perfectionist at heart, but can never attain perfection
- I hate every aspect of my being most of the time

I go to a catholic all girls school
I'm known as the crazies one
I was valedictorian at my old school
I was the one who always helped ppl STOP cutting
I always have a smile on my face (even if it's usually fake)
I have great parents and a great family
I'm the kind of person who makes fun of ppl like us.. (but then again making fun of my problems is another way I cope with them..I guess making something positive outta them makes it seem less real)
I don't know the last time I showed any other feeling besides being happy (other than in arguments with my rents) to anyone other than myself..

This is exactly why I don't understand why I do it... SI hoes against EVERYTHING I am.... Or does it?? Damn questions..

• I'm one of those "good church kids"
• I hold a prestegous chairmanship for boy scouts
• I work on camp staff
• I seem to be stable to most people
• I'm very mature for my age
• I grew up on the "right side of the tracks"
• I am very well liked
• I seem to be a people pleaser

BUT
I doubt myself all the time.
I am very introverted.
My grades are never good enough

1. I'm always the one in control.
2. I'm seen as one of the most narcissistic people ever.
3. I'm in the top 5% of my class.
4. I've been first chair viola all year, which makes me extremely happy.
5. I always give advice to people on how to deal.
6. I'm the succeeding one in the family.
7. I have absolutely no reason to hate my life as much as I do.

- I'm a Christian gone to church alll my life
-I am that ditzy blonde girl
-I have never been abused
- I'm very dreamy and always talk about fairies and such
- I don't really have a good reason for any of this. My life isn't that bad.

but....
-my dad has brain cancer
-i have type 1 diabetes (stressful)
- i have clinical depression and anxiety
-i'm not succesful. i can never stick to anything. i start out brilliantly and can never keep to it I always just get depressed.
- i'm just not RIGHT. I'm always sad. All the time.

I am smart, funny and kind.
I have a loving family and many hobbies which I get great enjoyment out of. I have been fortunate enough to go to University to pursue my 'dream job', a job which many people envy.
I have lived a rich, interesting and varied life, and have travelled a lot.

Its against my religion
I seem happy and fine, never had any problems in school, i always did my work and never was disruptive
I always smile even when i am crying inside
I barely ever cried in front of people
I've never had any problems at home, my life looks normal
I tend to get good grades
I look like a have a good future ahead of me

- But thats all mostly not true, i think im going to fail my life, i'm sad and anxious most of the time, i cry all the time on my own, i'm lonely, i hate myself, the good grades i get are due to me overworking/stressing/crying/not sleeping and i belive they are flukes, my life is normal but i am really unstable inside.

In relation to SH, if i got cuts from anywhere but me, i would cry from the pain.
i love it and i hate it, im disgusted and im comforted, it makes things worse, it makes things better for me.

i get good grades.
i have the most ego possible
im the tough "deal with it" kind of person
im happy and smiling on the outside

the most contradictory thing?
haemophobic. scared of blood. if im bleeding, sometimes i pass out.

this is kind of a really good idea for a thread... I'm like a lot of the things people said above me:
christian (grew up christian, still am)
loving parents
I was never abused
I get good grades
I'm quite independent - moved several hundred miles away from my parents' home to live on my own and go to school (twice)
I go to church and to a small group, am always pleasant to people

in short, I have no real reason to cut... but I do... I just get these moments when I can't handle what's going on and physical pain/blood is the only relief, even though it's a fake, temporary relief.

I thought I was alone in all this =/
I mean, I thought everyone else who cut had really severe problems and that they'd think I was just wanting attention or something, hence why I always hasten to add to people that my cutting "isn't that bad". I always felt like I had "no right" to cut, and that made me feel ashamed, because I couldn't stop...

sorry if that doesn't make sense. it's difficult to explain.

• i'm 22 (people always get hung up on me being "too old" to selfharm)
• untill my A2 exams I got really good grades
• I used to hold down 2 jobs and a full time college course
• I managed to be in the top 10% of my year at uni without turning up (before I dropped out that is)
• I used to volunteer for childline
• I was on the university debating team (the people on that I don't think even knew what selfharm was before meeting me lol)
• Other than online and to my partner I never really show any emotion
• I'm the type of person who'll go out of their way to help someone else (often to the point where it's detromentral to myself but luckily noone else notices that :P )
• I live in a very nice area of the city (even if it is in a rented flat)

I think everyone gest that to degree... we all think that our issues aren't "bad enough" and so we have no right to feel or act the way we do

Yeah, me too.

i'm 34...way "too old" for this kind of behavior
i'm happily married with three beautiful children
i'm a christian who has a wonderful church home
i was never abused
i'm quiet and friendly and funny

BUT i just don't like myself, i wish i were beautiful, and i struggle with depression and social anxiety.

-Out of my few friends, I'm considered the 'sane' and one you can count on.
-I grew up in a loving, caring family.
-I was considered a very happy, carefree child.
-Never been abused.
-I want to help people.

This thread makes me feel really sad. =[

I'm 40.
I was a teen in the 80s.
I have a 2:1 degree, and taught in primary schools for over a decade.
I used to teach yoga, including Kundalini and Dream yoga, voluntarily.
I did some psychotherapy training.

Contradictions - I use self harm to help me feel more in control, but it can also make me feel and be more out of control.

-I'm very good at hiding my problems
-I come across as a strong person when in reality I'm the opposite
-I'm very mature
-People think I'm intelligent and level headed

Don't worry I totally get what you're trying to say. i use to feel the same way also and sometimes i still do. when i look at classmates and i'm like they're going through more than i'll ever have to handle, how can i do this to myself.

but i learned a couple months ago actually.
YOU CANNOT COMPARE YOUR HURTS AND PAINS TO OTHER PEOPLES HURTS AND PAINS (and i'm saying this with sooooo much love to you)

because if you do, you'll have so much guilt and shame weighing you down you might not be able to get back up.

i'm not going to lie, i struggle with this from time to time, but then i remind myself that what i'm going through is what I'M going through and no one has the right to make me feel bad because it might seem insignificant to them.

Goody-two-shoes, hides depression well, no scars on arms (what's with everyone and arms? I don't get why SI is only supposed to be on arms), clean cut, have friends, can be very happy (usually I get really depressed the night after though), supportive mom.