Arghhh!
 

my head is so all over the place I don't even know how to start logically so I'm just gonna write everything down as straight as I can and hopefully it'll still be understandable.

I've been back living with my mum since the end of November after splitting up with my fiancee and my depression coming back with a vengence. I had involvement from the crisis team and the main reason for me moving back was that I really wasn't coping and needed a lot of support. I've never been that bad before and it really scared me. While I've been there I havent felt welcomed, comfortable or support in any way

My mum has been with her bf for about a year and I absolutely hate him, he drinks everyday and he scares the life out of me. I've told my mum this several times and to be honest she doesn't even seem to care.

Tuesday and Wednesday of this week I ended up having the mother of all arguements with my mum. It escalated into her going for my throat and me having to push her away. I'm so glad my sister was there to witness it as my mum is now saying she never went for me and I just punched her.

Since Tuesday I've been staying at my sisters house. We all got together today (me, my 2 sisters and my mum) to get everything out in the open and try to do something about it.

Some of the things me and my sisters brought up was the fact that my mum has completley changed over the past year, so much that we don't even recognise her as our mum anymore, we're all convinced that her bf hits her we've all seen her with black eyes that she tries to hide and is constantly covered in bruises even though she denies this is going on. We talked about lots more but I'd be here forever if I tried to write them all down.

A couple of hours into this her bf phones to see where she is, and me and my sisters heard him say that if I go back to the house then hes gone. She got off the phone and said that if he goes then she's going with him. Which to me and my sisters was her basically saying that she has chosen him over her own daughters. I completely broke down at this point and that was greeted by my mum saying 'you always take the most trivial things and turn them into massive issues' Now is it just me, or is your mother choosing her bf over her daughter and saying she doesn't want me back to the house a little bit more than trivial?!?

I at this point said I couldn't even look at her, she then told me to stop being such a drama queen.

Throughout the whole of us talking up to the point her bf phoned her, she was so emotionless, she had a face of stone while her 3 daughters were telling her how we feel like we've lost our mum, we don't even know her anymore and how much that upsets us.

So the result of what was supposed to be an air clearing and a chance to try and sort some of our issues out is:

-I'm now kicked out of the house and crashing over my sisters place

-We still don't have our mum

-I feel completely abandonded by her when I need her the most

I've spent the last 7 hours searching the internet for some housing advice etc. I'd be fine if I was in work properly. I've not long been back in work after 6 months on sick due to depression and at the moment I'm only doing 16 hours a month

I feel so frustrated, angry and just so broken :-(

Ok, you are probably not going to like what I am going to say.
But have you tried to see it from your mums point of view?

You say you have only recently moved back. So I assume before you moved back your mum was on her own. That can be a lonely and scary thought, especially if you are older. You constantly think, oh im on my own now, im going to be on my own for the rest of my life. Then this guy comes along and shes not alone anymore. Sure things are not perfect, but to her it probably beats feeling alone all the time, even if its just so she isnt sitting watching tv of a night on her own, it makes a big differnce.

Now you have come along, which is more company, but at the same time, she will be wanting you to live your life and so knows that you are not going to be around forever. So if she gets rid of the bloke, and then you get better and leave, she is back to being alone again. Do you see?

It might not be out of loyalty to him that would pick him over you, but fear and loyalty to herself. You say that you feel abandoned at the time when you need her the most, well maybe at this point she also needs you to be understanding and supportive of her. That might be things like, showing her that she is not alone, doing things with her, getting her to go out and be social with you, instances where she can meet new people. And then she might see sense. This would be a much gentler approach and than attacking her choice of company.

And in the mean time, get some external support for yourself. Be it doctors, friends, familiy or help lines and volunteer groups.

As for money wise, at 16 hours a month you should (in the uk, not sure how things work in Wales) be entitled to income support (which now has some funky new name) to substitute your money to live on. With that, you are also entitled to housing allowance. If you go on the direct.gov website you should find more info.

we've all tried to see things from her point of view, we've told her that she would never be on her own, she's got tons of family around her that would always be there for her and she does know that.

The talk we had with her yesterday wasn't us attacking her in any way. It was all as calm as it could be considering what we were talking about until that phone call.

I have tried as much as I can, and my sisters have moreso, but if we all meet up, for example at my sisters flat, shes constantly watching the time and as soon as theres a lull in the conversation shes up and gone.

I do understand what youre saying but we have tried so many ways to try and make her see that shes not on her own and that we do all want our relationship with her to go back to how it was.

As for myself, Im going to a day hospital in swansea, and im having cbt, im having lots of input from my doctors. My sisters have been amazing with me, encouraging me to go out with them, taking an interest in my therapies and the meds im on. I really couldn't ask anything more of them.